Confessions Of A Restored Woman

Put Love First!

2012-02-01T10:00:00.000-08:00

Put Love First! This is a new theme in our lives. As Jon and I continue our work toward the reconciliation of our marriage, this new theme is one we are working on daily. It sounds easy, right? PUT. LOVE. FIRST. Yet, for most married couples, love is the last thing that happens. We get up, scurry around, go to work, feed the family, do the laundry, return phone calls, watch our favorite t.v. show, jump on facebook, read emails, and so on. This is the typical schedule for a married couple. No where in that schedule is time, set aside, to intentionally connect with our spouse. The result? Discontentment, emptiness, frustration, resentment....

Our marriage reconciliation plan calls for us to spend at least 15 hours of interrupted time together each week. Yes, I said 15 hours...at least. No phone, no kids, no email, no facebook, no talk of work, no talk of problems in our marriage, no ministry. 15 hours to connect. The result of this uninterrupted time has been a true connection, and falling in love with each other, again.

I challenge you today, to make a list of the things you do everyday. How many hours a week do you spend on facebook? How many hours a week do you spend watching tv? How many hours a week do you spend on household chores, ministry, emails, and hobbies? Add them up.

Now, honestly evaluate how many hours a week, you spend connecting with your spouse? What you will probably find is a huge discrepancy between the hours you spend on other things, and the hours you spend connecting with your husband or wife.

Over the last few weeks, I've become quite bold about asking people if they are putting love first. Some of my friends have been taken aback by my question. Maybe you feel I have no right to ask people that telling question, due to what happened in my marriage. Maybe you're right. Either way, I can promise you this. If you put love first, what happened in our marriage, will not happen in yours.

Today, I am sounding a warning...especially to Pastors. Put your marriage first. PUT. LOVE. FIRST. Carve out 15 hours a week, of uninterrupted time together--just the two of you. Seek to meet each other's needs and connect. The time spent investing in each other will net incredible results!

Thank you ALL for the continued prayers. God is working an unimaginable miracle in Jon and I! Never, ever give up on your marriage. PUT. LOVE. FIRST.

Just One Little Ingredient Makes ALL The Difference

2012-01-11T08:53:00.000-08:00

Lately, my son Caleb is into doing science experiments. The other day, he asked me to taste one of his experiments. I am one brave Mom, and tentatively took a sip of his concoction. The drink he made was so bitter, it hurt my jaw and I instantly made a "sour face." You know, the one where your right eye squints and your cheeks cave in? Caleb found this quite funny, and then challenged me to try his second experiment, which he assured me would be much better. I played along, and again, hesitantly took a sip of the second drink. It was much different than the first drink and instead of being bitter was sweet, and very pleasing to the palate!

I asked Caleb about the differences between the two drinks he made. As he listed the ingredients, it became clear that there was only ONE ingredient that was different in the two drinks. The result was that one drink was bitter, and one was sweet.

The next morning during my devotions, I thought back to Caleb's science experiment. Over the last several months, I have fought bitterness and anger in my own life. I admit, it's been a tough battle. I don't think anyone wants to be bitter. Even as you read the word bitter, people you know who struggle with bitterness probably come to mind. None of us aspire to be bitter people, yet when life throws us into situations where we've been deeply wounded, feelings of hurt, despair, anger, disappointment can germinate. The unfortunate result is that roots of bitterness take hold. When roots of bitterness embed into our hearts and lives, the result is destructive. Bitterness skews every facet of our lives. We become cynical, and build walls to keep others out. It also hinders our ability to walk with God.

Yet, just like in the case of Caleb's science experiment, just one little ingredient can make all the difference. That ingredient is: SURRENDER. When we actively surrender hurts and wounds to God, the tenacles of bitterness slowly untangle from our hearts. The roots of bitterness are pulled up and weeded out. What then takes root is peace, contentment, and a soothing balm straight from Jesus.

Today, look at your list of ingredients. If bitterness is on your list of ingredients, replace it with SURRENDER. I encourage you to say, out loud, "Jesus, I surrender _______." This simple act of obedience will be met His presence, peace and a sense of relief. How do I know? Because I say the phrase, I surrender, many times a day!

Just one little ingredient makes all the difference! Don't believe me? Try your own science experiment of changing one little ingredient today.

We Choose---Reconciliation

2011-12-30T16:26:00.000-08:00

I wanted to provide an update and humbly, yet sincerely ask for your continued prayers.

After much prayer and consideration, Jon and I have chosen to pursue reconciliation. We remain separated at this time, but are committed to the process of seeing God restore of marriage.

God has done some incredible miracles over the last several weeks. My heart was very hardened and I was leaning very heavy toward divorce. A month ago, Jon came to me, and humbly asked me to consider reconciliation. I was not swept off my feet, to say the least, but agreed to pray about the possibility of reconciliation.

I sought God constantly, and honestly, it was almost ridiculous what I asked of Him. I threw fleece after fleece out and within three days of my "rantings," God answered each fleece with unmistakeable confirmation. It was eery. God will be God and when we ask Him to reveal Himself, He does! The confirmation continued, and after two and a half weeks of constant prayer, I decided to take baby steps toward Jon. He was overjoyed that I would even consider reconciliation and has been incredibly patient.

We have a long, long road ahead of us. Yet, God has taken both of us by the hand and walked each step with us. I have no doubt He will continue to carry us as we seek Him, and work hard on our marriage.

So, the bottom line is this: WE CHOOSE RECONCILIATION! As we walk this very difficult road, I ask for your prayers. I ask for your cheerleading and love. I ask for respect. God is hearing your prayers, and we need Him to continue to be God to both of us. I have no doubt God will be faithful to us as we seek Him, and His Ways.

Maybe it's the former Pastor's wife in me, but I cannot end this blog without a little mini-sermon.

I know there are so many people hurting right now. They are in situations that seem hopeless and by man's standards, they probably are hopeless. If you need a miracle, or just need some glimmer of hope, I want to encourage you to reach out to God. He is waiting--waiting for you and ready to walk with you. God hears every prayer, He sees every tear, and as you cry out to Him, He stands ready to work on your behalf. Our prayers may not be answered the way we hope, but be assured, He has your best interests at heart. God wants to show you His amazing Love.

Thank you friends! I love you all and am grateful for your prayers and love.

Therefore, what God hath joined together, let no man separate! (Mark 10:9).

Flowers In the Desert

2011-12-01T08:50:00.000-08:00

The title of my devotion this morning was, "I love you." My eyes instantly welled up with tears, because I knew the devotion was going to be good. The words of the devotion, coupled with life-giving Scripture, were like water to my parched spirit. I wept, as the words leapt out on the page. They read, "I love you with an everlasting Love, which flows out from the depths of eternity. Before you were born, I knew you." (Young, 2004).

As I pondered the words from my devotion, I thought of a time our family hiked Arches National Park, in Moab, Utah. We walked a trail for half a mile or so, and paused to drink water to replenish our thirsty bodies. I always have my camera and something beautiful caught my eye. It was a small bush of purple flowers. The colors jumped out me, as they contrasted against the red rock. They were beautiful. Flowers in the desert are particularly miraculous because they receive so little nourishment and water. The climate is not ideal for anything to grow, and yet flowers find a way to spring forth each year, providing color and beauty in an otherwise, not so beautiful place.

As I thought about the concept of flowers in the desert, I could not help but relate it to my current desert experience. I, like the desert, am dry and parched. Yet, flowers have grown in my desert. The Love I feel from my Jesus, and the peace that accompanies me minute-by-minute, are beautiful expressions of God growing beautiful things in me--even in the midst of a desert experience. Flowers are indeed growing in the desert! What a gift!

Today, maybe you are in the midst of your own desert experience and are diligently seeking to get out of the desert. Instead of scurrying about, looking for the exit, can I encourage you to stop and take a drink of water? Let God give you nourishment for your parched spirit, and while you're waiting, look around for your own flowers. I promise you, they will be there.

Here's a quick update on Jon and I. I would humbly ask for your continued prayers. We are still separated, but are communicating very well. God is moving, but we need Him to be Mighty and we desperately need brothers and sisters to go to war for us, and our boys. Thank you for your continued support and prayers!

I love you all. Now, go get some water and look for your flowers in the desert!

Young, Sarah (2004). "Jesus Calling," (pg 266). Nashville, TN: Nelson Press

A New Venture!

2011-11-16T09:04:00.000-08:00

Hi Friends:

Many of you have emailed and facebooked me to see how I'm doing, so I thought I would provide an update. Several of you have also asked if there is any way you can help me. Well, besides prayers and encouragement, there is a way you can help. Let me explain!

My situation has landed me into the category of single Mom, raising two boys. I am fully committed to being a Mom, yet I have to make money to provide. So, I did something I never thought I would do. I recently became a Mary Kay consultant. Now, don't laugh! The products are really great. I know, because I've been using them for four years.

Anyway, I have a sales goal I really need to meet this month, so that I can make ends meet and provide Christmas for the boys. So, I'm asking that my friends help out. Here are four ways you can support me.

1. Host a Mary Kay party. It is a blast and is very simple. Plus, you and your friends get some much needed pampering and you as a host, get a free gift.

2. Schedule a One-On-One Consult - Maybe you don't want to have a party, but you'd like to hang out with me. :). If so, I would love to do a personal facial and makeover on you.

3. Order Product. Go to http://www.marykay.com/, browse the website for what you want, and email me (angiedhamp@gmail.com) with an order. If you live outside of Denver, I will take care of shipping. I highly recommend any of the TimeWise products. They rock!! The lash love mascara and foundation are also amazing products. And who doesn't need a new lipstick? And guys, if you want to order something for your wife for Christmas, I can help you with that!

4. Pray for me. Money is tight and I need God to provide in big ways. I am not afraid to work hard and am asking God to open doors, so I can be a Mom, and work.

Now for an update: The boys and I continue to do well, considering. We are still living in Parker. God has been gracious to us and has blessed us. My in-laws are coming to spend Thanksgiving with us and we will also celebrate Caleb's birthday during the Thanksgiving holiday. I am still teaching Psychology at University of Phoenix and so grateful for that job.

Lately, I've been desperately missing ministry. I do know that God placed a call on my life at the age of nine, and I've been talking to Him about that. :). So many people have asked me if I'm angry with God and I just laugh. How can I be angry at the One who sustains me, loves me, cares for me, provides for me, and is my constant friend? I know that one day I will be whole again and that God will use me!!

Thank you friends, for ALL the prayers and encouragement. Please keep them coming! Thank you also for your support. I feel your love in incredible ways and am so grateful for ALL of you.

I "Choose" to Be Thankful

2011-11-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

I love November! It is my favorite time of the year and as I logged onto facebook, I noticed that many of my friends posted (on this first day of November) something they are thankful for. Each post I read, made me smile.

I too am thankful. Life is tough right now and we are navigating some pretty rough seas. Yet, there is so much to be thankful for. It's amazing to me how much my attitude changes, when I choose to be grateful. God has been so real to me over the last two months. I am so thankful!! His presence settles over me like a warm blanket all day and His voice whispers to me throughout the day. Thank you, Jesus.

I know one life lesson God is hammering home to me is that being thankful and content, even in the most difficult of circumstances is a choice. When we make the choice to live in a state of gratefulness, it is incredible how clear our perspective becomes. We can choose to sit in our muck, have our pity party and wallow. Or, we can be thankful.

Maybe you're in a situation where you feel like you have very little to be thankful for. Maybe 2011 has been a horrendous year and life has knocked you all over the place. Perhaps, you've prayed and prayed for God to rescue you, save you, heal you, deliver you, provide for you and yet...your requests have seemingly been met with silence.

Can I challenge you to choose to be thankful anyway? You may be rolling your eyes at me right now, but do this. Grab a notebook and a pen and write down every single thing you're thankful for. At first, it might be difficult, but do it. I did this very exercise this morning and the page was filled within minutes. Tears of joy began to flow as I wrote down one thing after another, I am thankful for. My perspective changed, my heart sang, I smiled and God's presence filled my living room.

Being thankful during the mountain top experiences is easy. But choosing to be thankful in the valley is a blessing like none other! Try it!

Honesty is Like Drano

2011-10-12T08:17:00.000-07:00

Shortly after everything hit the fan in our lives, I sat with a group of girlfriends and asked them if they and their husbands had talked about ways to prevent in their marriages, what happened in mine.

All of them looked at me, dumbfounded. So, I challenged them to talk honestly, with their husbands about their marriage relationship. Since that day, I've challenged other friends with the same question, and today felt the Holy Spirit nudge me, to send out a challenge to those who read my blog.

There are many great books and articles about affair-proofing a marriage, but most of us do not follow the biggest piece of advice these references give. That BIG piece of advice is honesty. Now, let's be "honest," none of us like honesty! Honesty hurts and is uncomfortable, but it is crucial in a marriage.

Jon and I are communicating very honestly right now. We've had gut-wrenching, honest conversations over the last six and a half weeks. These discussions are brutal and yet, our lines of communication are unclogging. You see, honesty is a lot like drano. It cuts through the muck of the pipes of communication and clears the path for communication to flow freely. And a result of honesty, is healing.

Jon and I have discovered that we made some HUGE mistakes. We put everything else (mostly the church plant) before each other. Oh, we tried not to, but somehow the ministry and church always snuck into our time together. Over time, resentment and anger built up and guess what? We weren't honest about it. Instead, we just pushed it down and worked harder, and all the while our marriage was deteriorating. It wasn't an overnight, instaneous disentegration. Instead, a slow erosion of our personal lives and our relationship happened. That is the typical pattern.

So, here's my challenge to you today. Get with your spouse and talk honestly. Be open about resentment, hurts, anger, frustrations, and where your needs are not being met. Most couples report that communication is an issue in their marriage, so get the drano out, be honest, and unclog your communication lines. These conversations won't be easy and they will hurt! But the reward of honest conversation is that healing, respect and love can flow.

If Jon and I, in the midst of our muck, can communicate honestly, then so can you! I'm praying for each of you that read this blog. Don't let the enemy continue to have a foothold in your marriage. Thank you again, to all of you who pray for Jon and I. God is moving and I believe He will be glorified through this situation!

Just a Regular Church Goer

2011-10-10T10:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, the boys and I made the leap and went to church. We chose a big church here in Parker, because right now, I want to hide and heal. It was very interesting because I kept thinking about the inner-workings of what goes into making a service happen. I thought about the sound, the lights, if the Pastor and his wife fought on Saturday night, if there were enough Kids' Church workers, and if the previous week's tithes and offerings were enough to cover the church bills. Then, I remembered..I don't have to worry about that stuff anymore and forced myself to focus on God and what He had for me.

The service was great! The worship was life-giving and the Pastor's message was informative and challenging. The people were friendly and I think the church will be a great place for me and my boys.

Then...something happened that made me want to jump out of my chair! As the offering plate came around, I heard someone grumble about how the church always wants money. Then, another person complained that the music service was too loud and too long. I heard someone else comment on how long the prayer went. I almost came out of my skin! I wanted to grab both of the people, put them in a headlock and wrestle the stupid out of them!

The presence of God was so real in that service. It was obvious to me that the Pastor and his staff worked hard to make sure the church service was smooth and that people encountered God. I realize I've been on the other end, as a Pastor's wife, so I admit I'm very sensitive to the complaining of church people. But I'm sick of it!

Stop beating your Pastor up, people! Pastors and their wives sacrifice time, money, their family time, and their own mental health, and yet receive constant criticism and complaints from their flocks.

October is Clergy Appreciation Month. Can I challenge all of us to stop focusing on the negative and instead focus on the positives in our churches? There's no perfect pastor or church. Instead, appreciate your Pastor, his wife, and the staff at your church. Write them a note, buy them lunch, or send them a nice email. I can tell you as a "former" Pastor's wife, Mondays are often the worst days because those are the days Pastors receive negative emails, the offering total (which doesn't come close to covering the bills) and feel like they just want to quit. The stress on a Pastor and his wife is probably more than most people will ever have to deal with.

Okay..there's my Monday soapbox. I know I'm just a regular church goer and that's fine with me. But next week, I'm bringing a pool full of jello to church, and if I hear anyone complain, I'm challenging them to a wrestling match.

Good Anger

2011-10-05T09:22:00.000-07:00

Recently someone expressed concern that I was not "angry" enough about my situation or what Jon did. I bit my tongue and chose to keep quiet because for me anger is a private matter. This person, who had the best of intentions does not see Angry Angie. Oh yeah..she exists and boy is it ugly. Most people are terrified of anger and yet anger can be good. Anger can be motivating, energizing, cleansing. So, for those of you who also share my friend's concern that I'm not "angry" enough, I'd like to share some ways I've expressed my anger.

1. I've said a lot of really bad cuss words. I know good Christian girls are not supposed to say them. Well, I have lately. I've cussed alot.

2. I have yelled at God. Oh yeah, He and I have had many angry conversations that left me hoarse and unable to talk, but oh it felt good!

3. I've broken a lot of dishes and some furniture. This was actually a family event with me, Jon and our boys. When we moved, we discovered an old piece of ugly furniture in our garage, that contained some ugly dishes. So..we each took a dish, wrote what we were angry about on it with a sharpie, and threw the dish at the wall. I chose to put the dish on a table and swung a baseball bat. Oh the jubilance I felt as that dish shattered against the garage wall. Man, I have a swing!!

The angry moments didn't stop there as all four of us wrote everything we were angry about on that piece of furniture. The boys wrote about how angry they were at their Dad, lost relationships, a broken family. I wrote angry words about Jon's actions, lost dreams, MISCARRIAGES, a broken marriage and many other things. Jon wrote angry words as well about his actions, sexual abuse, and addiction. And there were plenty of cuss words on that piece of furniture. We passed the sharpie around until the entire piece of furniture was full of graphite and angry words.

Then...we each took the sledge hammer and beat the living hell out of that piece of furniture. Each of us shed tears and shared laughter, as we cheered each other on. Sledge hammers are heavy, but pure adrenaline raced through our bodies as we got our anger out. Then, we high-fived one another and vowed that Satan would NOT destroy us, even if our family as we know it, doesn't make it.

Now, that's what I call good anger. It was better than thousands of dollars of therapy and allowed all four of us to express our anger, together. Afterwards, we all felt exhausted and energized at the same time. We got the muck out, and shared honestly.

Hopefully, my honest account of just how angry I do get, lets you know that I'm allowing myself to feel it and yes, express it quite well. If you have anger, I encourage you to go to Goodwill, and pick out some cheap, ugly dishes. Write angry words on those dishes and break them. In the process, surrender your anger to God as those dishes shatter. It's a rush!

Yes, there is good anger. So, get it out and feel cleansed and energized. I have a bat and a sledge hammer you can borrow. :).

Who Am I?

2011-10-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

Who am I? This is the question I've been asking myself for the last week. Until five weeks ago, I knew exactly "who" I was. I was a wife, mother, pastor's wife, church planter's wife, author, and professor. Oh yeah..and a Christ follower. I left that one for last and I'll share more later on in this blog.

Now, I'm having a total identity crisis. I'm grieving right now..hard. I'm grieving my old life--the one ripped from my hands, and not by my doing. Quite honestly, it sucks that the choices of someone else turned my world upside down. Yeah..I'm experiencing some anger over that. But..before I go down the "Bitter Betty" road, let me expound on the piece of my identity, that I left last on my list. Christ Follower.

Over the summer, God taught me about who I am in Him. It was like a warp-speed course, about my identity in Christ. This course has continued over the last five weeks. In a time where I'm struggling to figure out who I am now, God keeps pointing me to who He says I am. So who is that? Well, here are some names given to me by my Teacher, Father, Counselor, Friend, and Lord.

Daughter of the Most High, Fearfully and Wonderfully Made, Apple of His Eye, His Beloved, His Bride, Called by Him, The One Who Sees Me.

Sadly, many people never discover who they are in Christ. Instead, their entire identity is defined by their ministry, their work, their roles, their accomplishments. I know I fell into that trap as well, so no judgment here. Maybe that is why God allows us to experience times where everything is ripped away. Although most fear this happening, I can tell you that in many ways, it is a gift.

Today, as you read this blog, I hope you will enroll in Identity in Christ 101. There are no prior courses, required. I guarantee that as you surrender and submit to learning from the greatest Teacher of all time, you too will find a gift. An identity that will stand, no matter what happens in your life. No matter your circumstances, you can say, I know who I am. I am His.

Hangin By A Moment

2011-09-19T13:08:00.000-07:00

Hi Friends:

I just wanted to take a few moments to update you on my life. First, thank you to everyone for the prayers, emails, facebook messages and cards. It means so much to me that at some of my darkest moments, God has sent wonderful people to lift me and my family up in prayer. Please keep praying for us.

I know that many of you are worried about me. I want you to know that I'm actually doing okay. It seems that each moment brings a new emotion, but I'm taking each one to God. I'm also so blessed to have two amazing boys who love me and whom I love. We are taking care of each other and remind one another to eat, sleep and that we all need an extra measure of grace during this time.

Jon and I are separated, but we are actually communicating quite well. Our lives blew up a few weeks ago, and we are trying to sift through the wreckage. I am seeking God on my next steps, but am taking each day as it comes.

Life is not all bad, and I have learned to count each blessing and see it as such. The last few weeks have opened up a lot more time for me to take care of myself, laugh with my kids, play a lot of volleyball with friends, and start a new career in personal training. Even though my life is fractured, in some ways, it is much more stress-free than it was just a few weeks ago. Planting a church, working two jobs, being a wife and mother, and writing a book certainly took it's toll.

This week, we are closing on our house and the boys and I are excited to move into a new home. God has been there at every turn to provide financially, emotionally and spiritually for me, Noah and Caleb.

I know you probably still have a ton of questions. The truth is, so do I. When this first happened, it was my instinct to hide and go under cover. Yet, I am choosing not to hide--well, not too much anyway. God is still God. He still loves me. He still loves my boys. He still loves Jon. He still loves Discovery Church. He is God. Through this, I have seen more about who God is than ever before. He whispers to me all day. At night, when I can't sleep, He speaks to me through His word. The other morning, there was a beautiful pink sunrise (pink is my favorite color) and God told me He made that just for me.

Again, thank you for your prayers. If God lays me or Jon on your heart, please pray. Feel free to facebook me. Even if I don't answer, know that it is probably at a time, when I'm having a hard time. I love you friends!

Content in ALL Circumstances

2011-09-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

I have been walking close to Jesus over the last couple of weeks. He's been sweet and wonderful to me. Today, my devotion hit me between the eyes and I had to share it. It started out like this:

"REJOICE IN ME ALWAYS!" I stopped right there and said, "Really, God? Do you know what I'm going through?" "Read on," the Holy Spirit whispered. "No matter what is going on, you can rejoice in your Love-relationship with me. This is the secret of being content in all circumstances. Bring your moments to Me, and I will fill them with vibrant Joy. Now is the time to rejoice in My presence." (Young, 2004).

I stopped, put my devotion and Bible down, took another sip of coffee, and had to really think on this concept. I mean, can't I just find joy when I'm on the other side of this horrible trial? Can't I wait until you make it all better Lord, and there's a nice, happy ending? Can't I just wallow in self-pity, and the unfairness of my situation?

As I sat silent for a minute, a sweet voice spoke and said, "Yes, Angie, you can do all of that, or you can rejoice in Me and let Me give you joy." The Lord let me sit for a few minutes as I contemplated what seemed to be a challenge straight from God. I love challenges, so I accepted and began to list the many blessings in my life. The seconds ticked by and I started to feel...JOY!

Then, I got up and began my day. The sky was brilliantly blue. The mountains were breathtaking. The birds chirped, my boys laughed, and I laughed with them. I played crazy, ghetto volleyball with my friends, and chose to be content with today and what it brought. Yes, there were tears, fears, anxiety, and worry but there was also joy, as the Lord reminded me to be content--even in my current circumstances.

Maybe your circumstances stink, like mine do. Maybe you're at your wits end and can't even get out of bed. Perhaps life has kicked you so many times, you want to just give up and can't even imagine finding any kind of joy. I get it. I feel that way many moments of the day. Yet, there's a reason Paul challenged us with this, "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (Phillipians 4:12).

Today, I caught of glimpse of what "true joy" is. We may foolishly believe that when life irons out like we think it should, then we will be be happy, and find joy. I think that's a myth, because finding joy in the midst of the darkest moments is truly amazing. The reason? Because it is not fake, but is straight from Jesus. Now, that's contentment.

Young, Sarah (2004). "Jesus Calling," (pg 266). Nashville, TN: Nelson Press

Lost In God's Love

2011-09-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends:

This is perhaps the most difficult blog I've ever written. Many of you know that my husband Jon had a moral failure. On August 28th, all was exposed, and in the course of just one day, all that I knew vanished. My marriage, my family, my church, our ministry-- my life is gone.

For those of you who did not know this before reading this blog, I know that you are probably in shock. I am sorry you have to read these words. You may also be wondering what the details are and how this happened. You may also be asking what you can do.

I respectfully ask for some privacy at this time. If you feel led to message me through facebook or email me, I will answer you when possible. I ask that you not ask for details at this time, and that you refrain from gossip or judgment. That is not what any of us need right now. Instead, I desperately ask for your prayers for me, my boys, and even for Jon. We have spent 16 years of our lives pouring into others; lifting them up from miry clay, and now we need that help.

I must also share with you about God and His love during this horrific time. He has been an ever- present help in my time of need. He has been my rock, my shield, my fortress, my friend, and my husband. I've never felt such peace and love as I have in the last week. It has been incredible. My relationship with God has never been stronger and I will never stop telling of His grace, love and ultimate plan to save mankind. Satan has been victorious and has taken down many things in our lives, but he will not prevail or destroy me, and my children. I stand, though weak, praising my Jesus today.

My friends, I need you to go to battle; to go into spiritual warfare. I've been praying that God would raise up an army of people willing to pray, and fight for me and my family. I've been there for many of you, to fight with you, and encourage you, and now I need it. When God lays us on your heart, please pray. I spend many difficult hours each day in deep agony, and need God to continue to walk with me. I need wisdom, direction, and strength to work my job, move, and be an incredible mother to my boys.

Thank you all in advance for your friendship and love. I believe God has a plan. The day after this happened God gave me a verse I'd like to share with you. "The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17). God is good and so are you, my friends. I love you all!

Stop That Talk!

2011-08-23T09:33:00.000-07:00

I just returned from our church's Women's Retreat and it was amazing! Before the retreat, our planning committee discussed how we as women talk very negatively about ourselves and had the great idea to implement a "negative self talk" jar at the retreat. If anyone at Retreat talked negatively about themselves, they had to contribute $1.00.

By the end of the weekend, that jar had several dollars in it, but beyond the money collected, the jar served as a eye-opening experience. Many of the women, caught each other engaging in negative self talk, and also commented that they never realized until this weekend, how often negative self-talk comes out of their mouths.

I know for me, negative self-talk comes out of my mouth pretty naturally. If I accidentally drop something, I call myself stupid. If I am having a bad hair day, I often tell myself I look terrible. If I yell at my kids, I say I'm a bad Mom. The result of all this negative self talk, is there are some pretty big dings in my self esteem.

I wonder today, how many women engage in negative self-talk. Think about it. How often do you call yourself fat, stupid, ugly, a bad mom, worthless? What is the result of negative self-talk in your life?

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) says, "We demolish arguments and every pretention that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thoughtand to make it obedient to Christ."

The truth is, God loves you. He sees you as beautiful and wonderful. No arguments! So, when those negative thoughts sneak in, as they inevitably will, take them captive. Don't even let them out of your mouth. I promise, you will see a difference in every area of your life.

Stop that negative self talk and if you're having trouble, perhaps a "negative self-talk jar" with a price will keep you accountable.

Miracles of The Heart

2011-08-14T15:55:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, I took our youngest son, Caleb in for a check-up with our Pediatrician. The doctor detected an abnormal heart murmur and referred us to a cardiologist for a complete echocardiogram. Even as I write these words, tears flow because I'm scared. This is my son and the possibility of something being wrong with his heart is not setting well with me.

Jon and I have been sick at our stomachs for weeks and have been in prayer because as church planters, we have no health insurance and have been facing around $2,000 for the tests that need to be done on Caleb. We have been seeking God for a miracle--to heal Caleb and to supernaturally provide for the expensive medical tests.

As we've been seeking God, we've kept this whole thing pretty quiet..until Friday night when I broke down in front of our entire leadership team. Our team rocks and rallied around us to pray, but they didn't stop there. Today at Discovery Church, one of our board members, intercepted the microphone from Jon to let our church know about Caleb and our $2,000 need. Zishan, (a board member) invited people to come to the front of the theater to pray for Caleb and our family. Within seconds, our entire church gathered around us to pray. Every seat was empty as our people prayed fervently. That would have been enough, and yet our people generously gave, so that we could pay for the medical tests--to the tune of exactly $2,000!

Today, I am so humbled and so extremely grateful. For the last two weeks, my heart has been broken. We've sought God on every possible way to pay for the medical tests and yet at every turn, God has assured us He would provide and told us to wait. Well, today He did provide. Not only did He provide financially, but our entire family felt the love from our church. That is a priceless feeling!

The medical tests still loom large for me today and I don't know what the results will be. What I do know is that my son, Caleb is in God's hands. No matter what the results are, I know He is with us and with Caleb. I also know that God does miracles. He provides and does so in such unexpected, supernatural ways. Wow.

Today, maybe you are facing circumstances that loom large for you. Perhaps you have no hope and wonder how you will ever get through. I encourage you to keep seeking God. Put your faith and hope in Him. God sees you and has you in the palm of His hand.

I love you Discovery Church! You blessed me and my family in ways I will never forget. Thank you for a true miracle today.

My Cause--Church Planter's Wives

2011-08-02T11:09:00.000-07:00

I was so blessed to have the opportunity to listen to Matthew Barnett at the Influence Conference here in Phoenix. The dude rocks at speaking and kept us laughing, yet provided profound wisdom. He talked lastnight about finding your cause. As he talked about The Dream Center he runs in L.A. and how God is using him to impact a community around him, I kept thinking about my cause.

Matthew Barnett shared story after story of prostitutes, drug addicts, gang members, and even pimps who have come to know Jesus through The Dream Center. As he talked about his cause, and challenged us to find our cause, faces of CP Wives flashed in my head. Emails I've read from CP wives came back to my mind. My chest felt tight, I fought back tears, I wanted to run to the front even while he was speaking and just weep and cry out to God--for CP Wives.

Now I realize that us CP Wives already know Jesus. We have a relationship with Him and don't need deliverance from drugs or alcohol (even though this church planting journey drives you to want to drink, at times). Every week, I receive tons of emails from CP wives across the country. They share with me about their struggle with depression, how their marriages are falling apart. They write about how they hate the church and what it has done to their family. They describe the financial hardships that leave them with the inability to care for their own families. Many share how they feel that most church planting organizations care about the planter and the planting of the church, but brush them to the side as just--the wife.

Today my friend, you need to know you are more than just, "the wife." You matter! God sees you. He loves you. He is proud of you.

So, what is my cause? My cause is you--the planting wife. In two days, a website designed to connect, resource and encourage you with other CP wives will launch. There are other big dreams being developed as well to help you, so stay tuned.

You can also pick up my book, "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife," at confessionsofachurchplanterswife.com. And if money is an obstacle to you getting the book, please email me. I'll make sure you get a copy!

I may not have met you face-to-face, but I pray for you daily. When you email me, I pray for you. God wakes me up in the middle of the night to intercede for you. You--the planter's wife are my cause!

Girlfriends

2011-07-08T12:45:00.000-07:00

I am so grateful for my girlfriends. Some of my friends are a lot like me, while others are quite different. I am thankful for our similarities and our differences. I also love that we look out for each other. My friends would flat punch someone out if they messed with me. I'm serious. I have one friend that is ready to scrap everytime I tell her about someone that has hurt my feelings. I have to call her down and remind her that I am a grown woman who will be just fine, but because she loves me, she would be willing to scratch, pull hair and rub some chick's face in the ground if I just gave her permission.

My friends listen to me, encourage me, offer profound wisdom and share life. We laugh a lot together and I'm not talking about a pretty, classy girl giggle. No, when we get together, we snort and things come out of our noses. It's not pretty, but it makes us laugh even harder.

We also cry together--and not the cute, little sniffle cry. The ugly cry -- where your face contorts and wrinkles up.

So, why a blog about girlfriends? Because girlfriends are a necessary and crucial need in life. Especially in church planting and ministry because this life of minstry can be lonely and downright unbearable at times. We need girlfriends who allow us to just be ourselves--not just a pastor's wife. Girlfriends who can look at your across the room and know you need to be rescued from a draining conversation. Girlfriends who call you because they're listening to the Holy Spirit. Girlfriends who gently tell you to lighten up and to put on your big girl panties. Girlfriends who hold your hand and listen to you grieve over hard life issues. Girlfriends who tell you that you have a booger in your nose.

The list could go on and on, but the point is YOU NEED GIRLFRIENDS! Don't go this journey of church planting and ministry alone. Don't buy into the lie that as a Pastor's wife you cannot and should not trust anyone. Pray for godly girlfriends to share the journey with.

To all my girlfriends -- I love you and am truly grateful for each of you! Now..when are we getting together again? It's time to laugh!

Oh, one more thing. Take the time to read my friend Robyn's new blog. Robyn is Wonder Woman and an incredible writer. Plus, the girl has dance moves that will make your head spin. I can prove it..I have videos. :). Here's the link: http://mysuperpoweriswriting.blogspot.com/

Embracing Your Inner Nutjob

2011-07-04T07:49:00.000-07:00

This blog is dedicated to my friend, Stacy Kotenko who often calls me a Nutjob -- in love of course. Love you, Stacy!

"Are you crazy?" I have been asked the question several times over the last few years, especially when my hubby Jon and I told other people about our outrageous dreams to plant a church. I have a lot of crazy goals and dreams but honestly many don't go beyond the daydreaming stage. I think this is mostly because the "rational" part of my brain kicks in before the dream ever leaves my head.

I am not a risk taker by nature. In fact, I love to play it safe -- love to know the plan right down to the very last detail. God's sense of humor has played out in full force though, as I married someone who thrives on risk and as God called us to a life of risk, risk, risk!

I do have an adventurous side, though which I'm embracing more and more. God has been working on me for years to trust Him -- not just a safe trust, but a jump off the cliff kind of trust. This is where the need to embrace my inner Nutjob comes into play. You see, to live a life sold out to Christ-- you have to be a little nutty. Okay a lot nutty.

Just look at the people in the Bible. Noah - full on Nutjob. Caleb - "I can take those giants!" Esther - Seriously? What she did was crazy. Daniel - Lions? John the Baptist, Paul, Peter -- and yes Jesus. People really thought He was a Nutjob.

Risk is scary and downright nutty sometimes. Yet, a crazy, radical walk with Christ is what all of us are called to. To live that kind of life requires one to fully embrace their inner Nutjob. The fruit of embracing your inner Nutjob will be a closeness with Jesus, the honor to witness incredible miracles and most importantly, the privilege to see many people come to know Jesus.

I am grateful for a wealth of examples in the Bible who embraced their inner Nutjob to chase crazy dreams. I am also thankful for people in my life (like my amazing hubby) who model a life of fully embracing their inner Nutjob to chase God-sized dreams.

So, what are some ways God is challenging you to embrace your inner Nutjob? What crazy dreams and goals do you have rolling around in your head? I encourage you to grab your Bible, and a notebook and write those dreams down. Then, before that rational part of your brain kicks in, pray about how God desires to use you to accomplish great things for Him. He will--if you will let Him.

Embrace your inner NutJob!

On another note...I have a wonderful friend named Lee McFarland who just wrote a book called, "Worth the Risk." Talk about a guy who fully embraced his inner Nutjob to leave an incredible career to plant a church. The book will be released August 1st. I'll be doing a book review on the blog with information about how you can get the book. Stay tuned!

I'd Like To Slap You...With The Love of Jesus, of Course

2011-06-16T14:38:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people are abrasive, mean or downright rude. I have a hard time with mean people. Maybe it is because my Momma taught me to be kind--it's the Southern way, afterall. But there are times I don't want to be kind--instead when I encounter a mean person, I would much prefer to slap them..with the love of Jesus, of course.

I encounter mean people everyday. You probably do too. Most of the time, we roll our eyes in judgment or steer clear of someone in a grumpy mood. Mean people make us uncomfortable and in fact make everyone around them uncomfortable.

Today, I was praying about some mean people I know. I was mouthing off to God about how they needed to stop being so mean and bitter. In the split second that I finally shut my mouth, The Holy Spirit whispered something so ear-splitting that I immediately sat down. He said, "behind every mean person is a story--a story of pain."

My heart softened and my perspective of mean people in my life changed. I know many of their stories and yes they are stories filled with deep pain. Instead of mouthing off to God, I began to pray for His comfort and peace to surround these people and that His Love would be a soothing balm.

Perhaps as you read this, images of mean people are running through your mind. Maybe you, like me, would much prefer to slap the mean people in your life (with the love of Christ..of course), rather than be kind. Instead, I encourage us to take the time to see the pain, hear the story and pray. God just might use you and me to be His love and a bit of healing balm to calm the mean monster that lurks in the mean people in our lives.

An Excerpt from Chapter Three

2011-06-10T19:10:00.001-07:00

The following is an excerpt from Chapter Three of my book, "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife." The chapter is titled, "I'm Depressed and He Couldn't Care Less."

"Can I talk to you?" I stopped the conversation I was engaged in and turned around to see a young woman who looked desperate and scared. "Of course, I said." I steered us away from the crowd of people, to a quiet corner, so we could talk in private.

Tentatively, the young woman poured out her heart to me and shared about how weary she was. She went on to explain that her husband was happier and more fulfilled than he had ever been, and that despite how much she tried, she just couldn't seem to muster up any excitement for church planting.

I listened with empathy and compassion as the woman said, "I think I'm depressed. Could you please pray with me?"

I had just shared my own story of depression at a workshop this young woman attended. I talk about my story a lot, even though it is difficult because after all these years, my struggle with depression still brings up some residual feelings of shame.

I could tell this woman also felt shame as she shared her own struggle with depression. It made me wonder how many other church planter's wives suffer in silence because they're ashamed.

We prayed together and the woman expressed some relief over having just talked about the depression. As she walked away, I sat alone feeling burdened about how many other church planter's wives I had spoken to over the years, who after hearing my story, shared their own issue with depression.

The conclusion I came to that night, and now is that depression is a very real issue among church planter's wives. That's why I'm speaking out--in black and white to share my story with you. My hope is that you will know you are not alone and that there is hope.

To read more or purchase the book, "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife," visit http://www.confessionsofachurchplanterswife.com/

Happy Birthday Jon!

2011-06-06T15:14:00.000-07:00

Today is my hubby's birthday, so I wanted to take a few minutes to celebrate him.

I met Jon at the tender age of 18, and although I was repulsed by what I perceived as preppy arrogance, it did not take long for his charm and baby blue eyes to melt my heart. There are so many ways I could brag about my husband. He is smart, funny, romantic and a blast to be around. In addition, he is an incredible dad to our two boys and is an amazing Pastor.

What continues to melt my heart and keep me so in love with Jon, is his love for other people. Never in my life have I met someone who sees the best in people--even when others do not. I could list countless examples of people that Jon saw potential in, even when they were disregarded by others. Many of those "disregarded" people serve Jesus today--I believe because of my Jon.

I often awake in the middle of the night to the sounds of my husband weeping over lost souls in our city and the flocks he shepherds--because of his love for people.

Many people have accused Jon of being immature, or just plain goofy. Well, he is goofy (another thing I happen to love). But if that is all they see, then they haven't taken the time to know Jon. One minute, you may see "goofy" Jon, but the next you will see love (yes there's that word again). You will see his love for you and people. He lives it, he breathes it, it keeps him going in life--his love for people.

Happy Birthday, my love. Today, I hope that you see the love so many of us have for you. Thank you for loving me, our boys, and everyone around you with your whole heart and complete abandon.

I love you!

Finally a Book For You--The Planter Wife

2011-05-21T15:45:00.000-07:00

I've been asked by several people why I chose to write a book just for church planter's wives. The question was asked and then followed up with statements like this: "It's such a niche." or "a book like that is only targeted to a small audience."

Perhaps those statements have some truth and yet I think that a "niche" or a "small audience" matters, especially when there are no books available for this group of incredible women.

The other big reason I wrote "Confession of a Church Planter's Wife," is because I am often haunted--and so burdened for church planter wives. Their stories consume my thoughts and I spend a lot time in prayer for planter wives.

In the end, the big answer to the question of why I wrote a book for planter wives is because they matter. So often, planter wives are a forgotten population of women who remain in the background, often un-noticed. Well no more.

Planter wives, listen up! YOU MATTER. In the end, we may be a "niche," or a "small audience," but we matter. You matter-- and YOU ROCK!

You can purchase the book at www.confessionsofachurchplanterswife.com

Three Day Pre-Sale on the Book!

2011-05-19T22:22:00.000-07:00

Finally... a book for the Church Planter's Wife. "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife" is a raw, honest book for the women behind the men in church planting.

Order your copy today, at a discounted rate, before the official release date of June 10th. All the details are at confessionsofachurchplanterswife.com.

WHAT YOU DO MATTERS!

What If You Had Never Planted This Church?

2011-05-02T08:36:00.001-07:00

The last few weeks have been crazy stressful. It's the kind of stress that gives me a headache and an upset stomach--The kind of stress that sends warning bells off that tell me I better get the stress under control.

The majority of my stress stems from our church plant. Finances are a constant issue that weigh us down like an anchor and frankly, I'm just sick of it. So, today I'm seeking to get my stress under control and am working on my perspective.

In my prayer time this morning the question of, "what if you had never planted this church," came to mind. I do believe this was the voice of the Holy Spirit beckoning me to contemplate something much bigger than my current perspective--to look beyond the stress and remember just why we said yes to church planting.

Immediately, the faces of people at Discovery Church rolled through my mind as I recounted story after story of people who didn't know Jesus before Discovery Church. I saw the faces of the teenagers that come to Mainstreme each week and hear about Jesus, because of our Youth Pastors--Matt and Alisha. Most of their parents do not attend church, but they do--because of Mainstreme and Discovery Church.

The stories of people who have found hope in their darkest places, marriages restored, former atheists who now truly believe in God serve to change my perspective and bring me back to the original question asked by God -- What if you had never planted this church?

Maybe your stress levels are through the roof today and you wonder if the church you planted makes a difference--if anyone even cares that you are stressed to the gills because your heartbeat is to help lead the lost to Jesus? Take a moment and ask yourself the question, "what if you had never planted this church?" Perhaps you too will see the faces of people who have come to know Jesus because you planted your church.

I can already feel my stress decreasing as I put into perspective just why we planted this church.

The Dangerous Game of Comparing

2011-04-26T09:24:00.001-07:00

So, how many did you have at your Easter Service? How many got saved? How many first time guests did you have? These are all normal curiosity types of questions that we all have. There is nothing wrong with asking these questions, since we are all on the same team and want to take as many people to Heaven with us as we can.

So...you may be wondering what the point is? Well, since the title of this blog is "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife," here goes another one of my confessions.

Comparing is dangerous and I'll tell ya that I've been doing a lot of it over the last couple of days. The result has left me feeling inadequate and "not as good" as other church plants. When I look at the some of the numbers other church planters had at their Easter services, and compare our numbers, I feel a bit of shame.

It's really ridiculous since we had an amazing Easter service. God rocked the house and many came to Christ....but....so and so had this many, and they-- had that many...

You see where I'm going with this? The dangerous game of comparing is a bottomless pit. I actually have a whole chapter dedicated to this very topic in my book, "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife."

Let me cut to the chase of what God has been speaking to me about over the last couple of days regarding this dangerous game of comparing.

Praise God for what He did through church planters on Easter! Church Planters rock!

Focus on what God has called you to accomplish in your city.

Find your worth in Him, not in what you need others to think or say about you.

Keep your heart focused on Jesus.

Your church will reach people others can't. Other churches will reach who you can't.

The game of comparing is dangerous and leads to disappointment. Praise God for what He does through others. When the enemy uses comparison to whisper to you, "you're not good enough," be vigilant and remind Him who you are in Christ.

When the dangerous game of comparison knocks on your door and asks you to "come out and play," resist and turn your heart and eyes toward Jesus. In his eyes....nothing compares to you.

I'm So Scared

2011-04-18T12:12:00.000-07:00

Confession: I have always battled fear. For me, it's been a thorn in my side and sometimes cripples me to the point where I feel paralyzed. I'm dealing with fear in a big way right now. It seems that church planting and fear go hand-in-hand in a lot of ways. Sad, but true.

Here are some of my fears:

I fear lack of finances. I fear people. I fear the unknown.

Fear, fear, fear!

Interestingly enough my devotion today dealt with fear. This morning when I woke up, I was too busy to read it, but finally sat down to peruse the contents. The top of the devotion read, "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7. (KJV). Fear is one of Satan's best tools to distract us and cloud our judgment. When we fear, we cannot see the situation for what it is. God does not give us fear, but instead gives you and me power, love, and a sound mind. Knowing this clears our mind, and our spirit to experience peace--peace from Jesus.

Maybe today you too are struggling with fear. Church planting certainly presents many reasons to fear. But I challenge myself and you as well to remember God is not the author of fear. Together, lets pull ourselves out of the quicksand of fear and cast our anxieties on the One who cares for us.

Jesus said it best and may it be a reminder to all of us who struggle with fear: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Let not your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27 (NIV).

Debuting...May 1, 2011

2011-04-13T16:11:00.000-07:00

Many people have asked me when my book, "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife," is coming out. Well, the release date is right around the corner and it is May 1st! The book will be available through cpwives.com (coming soon) or Amazon.

Please pray for me as I come down to the wire on final editing and revision. For any of you who have written books, you know this phase is brutal and exhausting.

If you're on Facebook, I have a new page called, Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife that will also provide details. Stop by and "like" my page. :). I'm also on Twitter and my user name is cpwives.

The stress and agony of editing will ultimately be worth it. I am excited and giddy about the release date. Thank you to everyone for your cheerleading and support during the writing process!

Go Church Planter's Wives!

That's My Man--The Dragon-Slayer!

2011-04-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

Easter is right around the corner and is typically one of the biggest Sundays of the year. My husband is working more hours than usual to prepare for Easter. Lastnight at dinner he gently asked me be patient with him over the next few weeks because he anticipated working more hours than usual. I appreciated "the warning," but have come to understand that there are seasons that require more of him, and more patience and understanding from me. This morning as I was praying for my hubby, I wondered what else he needs from me.

I would like to share a section from a chapter in my book, "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife."

"Your husband is wired in a different way than you are. When the two of you joined hands, looked into each other's eyes and said, "let's plant a church," what he heard you say was, "go get em' big boy--slay the dragon!" In his heart he wants to throw the carcass of the beast on the table with a barbaric grunt and have you look approvingly at him and say, "That's my man--the dragon slayer." (excerpt from the chapter, What Every Planter Wishes His Wife Knew--by Jon Hamp)

I propose, ladies that we not only be patient during busy seasons, such as Easter; but we also remember that our dragon slayers need encouragment, cheerleading, and for us to serve up an extra dose of love when they slay those dragons.

Our husbands work hard to make the church plant successful, because it is their way of proving their love for us. So when your husband slays the dragon, and throws the dead carcass on your table, let a war cry scream from the depth of your lungs, and proclaim "that's my man--the dragon slayer!"

He Keeps Saying NO! -- Noah's Challenge

2011-04-08T16:41:00.000-07:00

Discovery Church has a large population of previously unchurched people, which is way cool! My hubby encourages our people to invite their friends and neighbors on a frequent basis and many of them do so. Jon recently quoted a statistic that 90% of people would attend church if asked, but some of the people in our church who took the challenge to invite people to D-Church have been turned down by the people they invited. This has caused some discouragement, and understandably so.

My son Noah who is 12, heard his Dad quote this statistic, and took the challenge to invite his teacher to our church. The other day, I picked Noah up from school and he was a bit discouraged because he has invited his teacher to church many times, only to have his teacher repeatedly turn him down. Oh, that hurts a Momma's heart!

As we talked, Noah determined that he was going to pray for his teacher everyday and committed to continue to invite him. I was so challenged by my son because honestly if I invite someone once and they turn me down, I don't dare ask them again. Yet, my 12-year old has invited his teacher to church repeatedly, and is determined to continue to invite him--until he comes.

Well, my son has lit a fire under me and I hope he has you as well. Maybe the people we are asking to church are in the 10%, and not the 90%, but let's not give up! If you have invited someone to church and they turned you down, take Noah's challenge. Pray for them everyday and keep inviting them.

Thanks for the challenge, Noah. You rock!

Does Depression and Church Planting Go Hand-in-Hand?

2011-04-07T13:02:00.000-07:00

Depression is very common in our culture and it seems that every time you turn on the television, a new commerical for the latest anti-depressant medication, promises relief from the symptoms of depression. Depression is prevalent in our country.

Depression is also prevalent among church planter's wives. Gasp! What, church planter's wives get depressed? The answer is yes and at an alarming rate. To date, almost every church planter's wife I have talked to has struggled in some shape or form with depression. I am not exempt from my own battle with depression.

In my book, "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife," (will be released May 1) I talk about my own struggle with clinical depression in detail. Because of my own walk through depression, God laid a special burden on my heart for Pastor's wives and women in general who struggle with depression. Several years ago, I came up with a "Daily Five" list that I use myself, and also give my patients who are depressed. For those women who follow this list, many see greatly reduced symptoms of depression. I encourage you to try it.

Eat Healthy - We know how to, and yet most of us don't, but it is crucial.

Get Enough Sleep - People who are depressed sleep too little, or sleep too much.

Exercise - Just 20-30 minutes of exercise 3-4 times a week (preferably outdoors) will do wonders to alleviate symptoms of depression.

Do Something For Yourself Everyday -This can be as simple as making your favorite cup of tea, watching a favorite t.v. show, coffee with a friend, a hot bath.

Spend Time With God - This one should be a given and yet when we feel depressed, we can isolate ourselves from God. Psalms is an excellent book to read when you feel depressed.

These "daily five" tips may seem simplistic, but give them a try. I also recommend talking to a therapist or another church planter's wife. There is hope and a light at the end of the tunnel of depression!

Manuscript Is Complete!

2011-04-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

I completed my manuscript for my book, "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife, " last Friday and it is now in the editing phase. Once I hit the "send" button on my email, I literally did a funky chicken, R & B, little bit of country dance in my kitchen. Then the next day, I crashed. No, seriously I almost had a nervous breakdown. I cried on and off all day, was grouchy, moody and no fun to be around at all. You would think I would be soaring high after just completing my first manuscript, but instead I felt scared, anxious, worried, and vulnerable.... I so wanna be the girl who has it all together. I want to be the picture of perfection, class, charm and grace. The truth is, I am none of those things. Most days, I spill coffee on myself. I yell at my kids. I snap at my husband. I get it all wrong all the time. I disappoint people in our church. I let friends down. I wrote about many of my failures in my book, but I didn't want to! Every time I sat down to write a chapter, I prayed about what God would have me to write and each time He instructed me to write about my failures, my true feelings about situations, about all the times I messed up. I wanted to write about how awesome I am and how I rock as a church planter's wife, but God wouldn't let me. The book will be out in just a few weeks and people will read about the real Angie--not the girl I want everyone to believe I am. In the end...I really don't mind being vulnerable. I don't care about criticism or what people think of me... if it accomplishes three things.

I want church planter's wives to know they rock!

I want church planter's wives to know they don't have to be perfect either.

I want church planter's wives to know WHAT THEY DO MATTERS!

One more thing I hope my vulnerability accomplishes--I hope people see my heart--that I love church planter's wives. I think about them all the time, pray for them, wake up in the middle of the night with them on my heart.

These are just a few of my confessions. You will have to read about the rest of my confessions in a few weeks...

L On The Forehead

2011-02-28T10:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel like a loser, a failure..worthless. There are times when I wonder if what I'm living for, sacrificing for, giving it all up for means a darn thing. Many days I wonder if anyone cares about what I'm doing or if the call I'm sold out to is changing anyone's life. Can you relate?

Defeat. It's a word that conjures up emotions of dread and an overall blah feeling. The reality is that feelings of defeat are a part of the journey of church planting and on this road there are many more failures and defeats than there are victories. In a real way, church planting can make you feel like a big loser.

In our church plant, we are experiencing a rough season. In January, we saw a surge in attendance and finances were pretty good. Yet in February, our attendance has been down and the finances are the worst they've been in several months. Just a week and a half ago, we had the shot at amazing facility but the door closed as the issue of parking was just too big of an obstacle to overcome. All of these "defeats" have left my husband and I feeling like...losers.

This morning I was praying at my house, while simultaneously our staff and team met together to seek God and pray. The Lord brought to my mind this scripture from Matthew 16:18 where Jesus tells Peter, "And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell will not overcome it. " I felt the Lord whisper to me, "You are Angie. You are not a loser, you are not a failure. I will build my church and the enemy will not overcome it."

My faith was instantly built as the God of all creation spoke to my Spirit through His Word. Perhaps you've experienced defeat and feel like a loser. Maybe today, you feel so defeated and scared and wonder if what you do even matters. Today, the Lord says to you, "You are ______. You are not a loser and the enemy will not overcome you!"

Don't let times of defeat overtake you. If you're under attack today, know that God is greater and stands ready to be your Rock, your fortress, your help in time of need. We are more than conquerers in Christ. We are not losers, so get that L off your forehead, and instead stand in anticipation of the miracle that awaits.

For Sale

2011-02-25T15:48:00.000-08:00

We just put our beloved home on the market today and I am a bit emotional. We bought our home five and half years ago and had many hopes and dreams for the ways we would fix it up and make it our own. The home we bought is an older home that was a fixer-upper but it sits in an amazing neighborhood, with great schools, backs up to acres of open space and has abundant wildlife. We've spent five years remodeling and have made it a great house.

So, you might be wondering why in the world we are selling such a great home? Well, the answer is simple. We are at a place in our lives where we must downsize. We bought the home when our income was much higher. Three years have passed since some very difficult circumstances sent us into a financial tailspin we are still recovering from and then came...church planting. Enough said.

There is no doubt that planting a church will require great sacrifice on the part of the planter; much of the time the sacrifice is a financial one. This blog may sound sad and you may feel sorry for us, but please don't. Because with sacrifice comes blessing and a contentment of knowing that God is in control and has our best interests at heart.

We feel peace today and know that this move is a smart one and will allow us to accomplish the goal of becoming debt free again. It will also give us the opportunity to whip our financial lives back into shape and prepare ourselves to accomplish more of God's plan .

As I look at the realtor sign in my front yard, and shed a few tears, I am also comforted by the Lord as He whispers that He is in control and has good things for us. In the end, it's just a house and if giving up our house allows us to focus more on our mission to see people come to Christ through church planting, then you better believe it's worth it!

Brushing Off The Haters

2011-02-21T10:49:00.000-08:00

As we prepared to plant Discovery Church of Parker, we encountered people who said things that were not exactly encouraging. There were people who doubted if we would be successful at church planting and gave us "advice" that left us feeling less than confident about what God had called us to do. I believe these people meant well and yet words sting, so we had to learn to go to God when the comments of others tempted us to either quit or retaliate with words.

Just for fun, I came up with 10 things people said to us while we were in the pre-launch phase of our church plant. This post is mean to be light and funny because as well all know in this journey, laughter truly is a medicine. Enjoy!

10. We Don't Need More Churches

9. You'll never make it. The town you're planting in is a "graveyard" for church plants, so what makes you think you're going to make it?

8. Why in the world would you plant a church there? Only a small percentage of the population goes to church. If I were you, I would plant somewhere easier.

7. You will NEVER raise that amount of money, especially in this economy.

6. Oh, I can see why you would want to plant a church in that town. I'd want to go where the average income is $100k too.

5. You only have one preview service a month..what do you the rest of the month, golf?

4. No one takes church planters seriously. After a few years, when you're a "real" pastor, people will actually respect you.

3. We all know church planters are lazy and only work a few hours a week.

2. I would rather give my money to a "real" missions effort, like somewhere overseas.

1. I've heard that over 80% of church plants fail in the first year, so your chances aren't real good, are they?

Maybe "naysayers" have said some of the same things to you and your husband. Today, I challenge and encourage all of us to "brush off the haters" and instead stay focused on the mission God has called us too. No matter what you do in life, there will always be people who stand ready to discourage and dissuade you from your dreams. Who will you listen to? For me, I choose to listen to the One who called me and the other people who are praying for me and cheering me on.

Go Church Planters!

What You Do Matters

2011-02-13T15:15:00.000-08:00

I had the privilege of talking with several church planter's wives this week. We laughed, swapped war stories, shared ideas, encouraged each other and spurred one other on in the journey of church planting. These women are truly my heroes.

Today, I am reflecting on the conversations I had with these women and I believe that one blaring question in the back of every woman's mind who is a Planter Wife is "do I matter?" I know I've asked this question a hundred times and I believe many of my planter wives friends probably have too. If I had the means to, I would rent a billboard in every city where a Church Planter's wife resides in that would read, "WHAT YOU DO MATTERS!"

This question may seem self serving and yet as humans we have a need to know that the work we do makes a difference. Sometimes a simple acknowledgement can motivate and encourage us to get back on the horse and keep riding, especially when we feel defeated or forgotten.

Well, today you are not forgotten! Today, on this particular Sunday God saw you and He smiled. He sees your sacrifice, your heart, the love you have for people and the ways you served Him. He sees your empty pantry, your small bank account, your broken down car, your tattered clothes and He wants you to know that what you do matters. God is proud of you.

My sisters in Christ, please know today that you matter. You are not alone, nor are you forgotten. What you do week in and week out matters, so press on my friend. People will stand in Heaven because of you. What you do matters!

The Other Woman

2011-01-17T12:28:00.001-08:00

"That will never happen to us!" Jon and I adamantly agreed that our marriage would never become one of the scary statistics we read about as we began the journey of church planting. In Pastors at Greater Risk, H. B. London, Jr. writes about some alarming statistics among pastors, with one being that "pastors have the second highest divorce rate among all professions." (London, 2003) This statistic certainly demonstrates that ministry in general can place tremendous stress on marriages but how much more strain does planting a church put on the relationship of the planter and his spouse? I ask this question because I believe that planting a church has the potential to put even more stress and strain on the marriage of the planters.

I used to tease Jon and call his laptop "the mistress." One night we were arguing over the time he spent in ministry, versus with me and I referred to the church as "the other woman." This term struck a chord in me and I later reflected on what caused those words to come out of my mouth. What I had to admit is that I honestly felt as though the church had replaced me in my husband's life. This concept may seem extreme and yet it encapsulated exactly how I felt. I shared my feelings with Jon which he didn't appreciate at first, but the more he thought about what I had shared, the more he began to understand how and why I felt that the church was "the other woman" in our lives.

That day marked the beginning of a turning point in our relationship. Although things did not change overnight , as we rededicated ourselves to the commitment we made to put our marriage first, our relationship began to bloom again. God worked on my heart and Jon's during the next several months as we both strived to find the balance between marriage and ministry. During times Jon worked too many hours, I prayed for him and for God to be near him during high pressure seasons. God also opened doors for me to gently remind him that he was out of balance and that our marriage was suffering.

Another realization we had was that we both wanted the same things. We both desired a happy, healthy marriage and we both desired to plant a church. How these two purposes were accomplished often clashed which then caused conflict in our marriage, but we were diligent and found ways to put the "other woman" in her place.

Today, you may be dealing with resentment and anger. Maybe your marriage is experiencing stress and distance as you navigate the first few years of planting a new church and the changes that are inevitable in this journey. Perhaps, you feel lonely and frustrated that the church seems to be "the other woman" in your relationship. Today as I write this my heart aches for church planter's wives who are experiencing loneliness and distance in their marriages. John 10:10 says, the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy." Your marriage is one of Satan's targets so be vigilant and fight! The second half of this verse declares that "I have come that you might have life and have it to the full." This fullness Christ spoke of can happen once again in your marriage! My friend, no matter where you are at, no matter how much hurt or anger you may have, rest assured that Jesus stands ready to assist you. He desires to bind up the wounds, bring life to your marriage and put "the other woman" in her place.

Why I Decided To Write a Book

2011-01-15T16:28:00.000-08:00

I have heard a lot of people say they would love to write a book, but most people never take the plunge into the world of writing. Now that I am head over hills into the process of writing a book, I understand why most people "put it off." The process is brutal, but beyond that the very thought of placing your blood, sweat and tears into a project, only to have it critiqued and poo-pooed by others is almost too much to bear.

Still, when you are so passionate about a particular subject, nothing can stop you from writing about it. This is exactly how I feel about my book, "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife." You see, I am a church planter's wife and have searched high and low for resources for planter wives. There are very few and yet the need for such a resource is needed..and I mean now!

In my eyes, church planter wives are pioneers and heroes. They sacrifice, work hard, and do some of the toughest work anyone can do--all because they believe in what God has called their husbands to do. In addition, they love people and desire with everything in them to see other people find Jesus.

This is no easy task and often a church planter's wife is forgotten; left to do the work no one wants to do. Thus the very reason that drives me like an obsessed maniac to complete this project. My desire--a desire that burns in my belly is to write this book and in doing so, cheerlead planter wives to be great, encourage them, and let them know that THEY MATTER.

Church planter wives rock!!

I'm Leaving.

2010-11-09T11:42:00.000-08:00

Before we planted Discovery Church, we attended a Church Planters Boot Camp to learn the fundamentals of how to plant a church. One staggering statistic we learned about during the boot camp was that during the first year of a church's existence there is a 75% turnover. I remember being blown away by that statistic and asked several church planter friends if they had experienced such a high turnover rate during the first year of their church plant. They ALL reported the same rate or higher--of turnover in their first year of existence as a church.

We are now 14 months into our life as a church and we too have experienced a high turnover rate. I have come to accept this as part of planting a church, but feel unresolved about the way many people have left our church. What I mean by that is that people will come to Discovery Church, report they love the church, build some relationships and then disappear off the planet with no communication. Sure, we follow up with calls, emails and facebook posts, but most of the time, no one responds back to us. I must admit it leaves me feeling hurt, frustrated and disappointed.

As Pastors, loving people is as natural as breathing. God sends people to our churches for us to love and that we do. Yet, when they leave and there is no closure, it is very difficult not to build walls and become cynical. If you're reading this and you are either a church goer or a Pastor, I'd like to offer a few tips on how to leave a church and some ways Pastors should deal with turnover.

To Church Goers:

Get To The Root Of Why You Want To Leave - Have you been hurt? Go to the person who hurt you and resolve it. The Bible is clear on our responsibility as believers to go to someone who has offended us. Are you a church hopper? If so, then stop. Attend your church at least 3-4 months before you decide to leave.
No One Cares About Me! I have heard people complain multiple times that either no one has invited them over for dinner or out to lunch. My thought is always, "Well have you invited them to your house for dinner?" Most people is churches do care but they cannot read your mind, so be proactive and invite someone to your house for dinner!
Talk To Your Pastor - Some people feel that pastors don't have feelings but the truth is they love you and just want you to be honest and tell them if you're thinking about leaving. Respect your Pastor enough to communicate with them about how you're feeling. You just might be surprised.

To Pastors:

Don't Get Bitter and Cynical: God has called us to love people. While it is true that loving people is not always easy and often hurts, it is crucial that we are vigilant to keep bitterness and cynicism at bay. Bitterness is a cancer that will eat you from the inside out, leaving you with a hollow emptiness.
Be Willing to Listen: If someone has the guts to talk to you about a concern or their decision to leave your church, LISTEN! What they have to say is valuable and rather than taking on a defensive posture, open your heart and listen.
Pray Blessings: When people leave your church, pray for God to guide them, direct them to a new place of worship and pray God's best for them. The purpose for this is two-fold. First and most obvious, you as their former Pastor are praying a blessing on their future. Second, it puts your heart in the right place. It is very difficult for bitterness to set in to our hearts when we pray for blessings on others. I believe that having our heart in the right place will move the heart of God to send other wonderful people to our church.

I still don't like the statistic and don't like when people leave our church, however we have found that God knows what we need and what our churches need. Sometimes people are in our lives just for a season. What will we do with that season? I propose we love people and show them Christ..even if they leave.

Why We Chose To Celebrate...Halloween

2010-11-01T09:33:00.000-07:00

Halloween fell on a Sunday this year which put many churches in a position to decide whether or not they would acknowledge the day and it's festivities during a regular Sunday morning service or ignore the day altogether. Our leadership wrestled with what Discovery Church should do on Halloween. After a lot of discussion and prayer, we decided to capitalize on a very dark holiday and shine the light of Christ. The plan we came up with may sound gimmicky or "out there" but it was indeed very missional and intentional.

The mission and intention of this day was to:

1. Have fun!
2. Provide a service people who attend Discovery Church could invite their friends and neighbors to. Parker is a very unchurched city, with less than 20% of people who attend church.
3. Share Christ in a relevant way that would impact people for the rest of their lives.

Here's how the mission was accomplished:

Since our church and community has a median age of 35, we chose an 80's theme. People from Discovery Church answered the challenge and dressed in their best 80's apparel. The theater where we meet filled quickly with regular attendees and many new families, as the D Church band started the service with a very rocked out version of "I Am Free."

The service continued with 80's trivia and door prizes (ataris and rubics cubes) were handed out. The band then played two popular 80's songs, which were: "Don't Stop Believin" and "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." Soon everyone jumped to their feet, cell phones in hand and sang along to these popular 80's tunes.

Jon spoke a powerful message about "Letting Go of Your Past," and seven new people accepted Christ. Beyond these new salvations, many others shed tears and surrendered their past to Jesus. The Holy Spirit moved in a powerful way and changed lives on -- Halloween.

The service ended with one more popular song, "Jenny 8675309," and again people jumped to their feet to sing along.

Reports poured in all afternoon and continue today about how yesterday--yes Halloween was life-changing. One person said, "I spent most of the 80's either high on drugs or hungover. I still feel regret and shame for things I did in the 80's. Thank you for giving me hope today."

Not only was Halloween at Discovery Church fun, but it was also a day no one will forget. Today we are busy following up with new people and those who accepted Christ. As church planters, it is very easy to get caught up in gimmicks and the need to be "edgy." It is crucial that what we do to win the lost is covered in prayer and is intentional. If it's not, then what's the point?

Yesterday was Sunday, and yesterday was Halloween. Darkness met Light and Light prevailed!

Can I Really Trust God?

2010-09-02T06:39:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning with jitters and butterflies in my stomach. Today is a very important day and will most likely decide the direction our adoption will take. A judge will make a ruling on whether or not two beautiful little girls will come to live with us or if their biological Mom should have more time to comply with her treatment plan.

I am not sure how to feel today. I mean, children should be with their Mom's and yet these girls Mother has been unable to care for them. I feel conflicted and torn because our desire is to love and care for two orphans who need a Mom and Dad. Our home is ready, our hearts are ready and yet today we wait...

I've already spent much time in prayer today and what I hear the Holy Spirit whispering over and over is, "do you trust me?" As believers, we should automatically, almost like robots trust our God and yet if you're like me, trust in God can soon evade and escape me; especially when my heart and the possibilty of a broken heart looms large.

I'll be honest and say that throughout my life I've struggled with a wholehearted trust in God. I've been disappointed, hurt and frustrated when deep longings have been unfulfilled and heartfelt prayers have gone unanswered. Yet through all this Jesus still says, "do you trust me?"

Today, I am choosing to trust God. Yes, I said choose because sometimes it's a battle and it's a choice. As I read my Bible there are numerous accounts that demonstrate His power and that we as believers can trust Him. Our prayers and longings are not always answered or fulfilled the way we hoped or believed and yet utter and complete trust in God is always the right choice.

As I write this, I think of many of my friends who are in desperate situations that are completely out of their control. My friends have severe health issues, relationship struggles, financial hardships and some like me have unanswered prayers. As I remind myself, I also desire to remind you-- YOU CAN TRUST HIM. He loves you and is mindful of your situation.

My prayer for myself and my prayer for my friends is that His presence is strong and steady with you today as together we face struggles and trials. My friends, let's make a choice to trust HIM.

The Empty Nursery

2010-08-14T13:15:00.001-07:00

The Empty Nursery

God blessed us with two wonderful boys and we are incredibly grateful and in awe at the miracle they are. For eight years, Jon and I have been praying for another child, however the last eight years have been laced with disappointment, infertility specialists, miscarriages and finally a resolve to surrender to God's will—even as it seemed His will was no more children.

Then in April of this year, everything changed and the doors swung wide open for us to adopt twin one year old girls. We began preparations to expand our family by attending adoption classes and learning everything we possibly could about adoption and some of the challenges the little girls presented both physically and emotionally. It seemed as though the years of heartfelt prayers were finally being answered—times two!

Part of the preparation of receiving two little angels into our home included the decoration of a nursery. What could be more thrilling than transforming a simple, plain room in to a bright, beautiful, happy space splashed with pink and purple and accented with flower and butterflies? Oh the thrill of putting clothes in the closet, diapers and wipes in place, bottles and bibs in the pantry and shoes in the closet any little girl would love!

Yet today the nursery so beautifully decorated still sits empty as we await word for a judge to decide if the girls should live with us or return to their biological mother. What seemed like a wide open door just a few weeks ago is now closing before our eyes as the realization that the nursery may remain empty stares at us.

This morning I walked past the nursery as I do many times a day and felt Jesus beckon me into the room. I sat on the rug adorned with butterflies and flowers and wept and yet my prayers were not bitter—they were filled with love and surrender. God met me in the empty nursery and filled my empty jars with His presence, His assurance, His peace and His love.

I don't know what the outcome will ultimately be or whether the door that we thought was wide open will be closed. I don't know if our prayers will be answered the way we want them to be. I don't know if the nursery will be filled with two beautiful little girls or if it will remain empty. I just don't know….

What I do know is that God has us in the palm of His hand and He is mindful of our desires, our pain, our dreams---of us. What do I know? Jesus loves me—this I know.

Let Me Remind You..

2010-06-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

Discovery Church had the amazing privilege of having our first ever baptism this past Sunday and it was incredible! Jon shot video testimonies of each baptism candidate beforehand and they were powerful. The testimonies ranged from teenagers sharing of their journey to Christ to adults who found Christ after some very difficult challenges. The day was filled with emotion and as each person's testimony was shown on the big screen at the theater, the emotion continued. There was laughter and tears as one by one people were submerged "dead to sin" and then emerged "alive in Christ."

Our first baptism Sunday served as an awesome reminder to me -- that was oh so needed, of why we said yes to church planting. You see, sometimes I forget just why we even decided to start a new church because I often become so distracted with the challenges of church planting, the emotional and physical toll it takes to pastor a new church, the financial worries that accompany this journey, and the constant struggle I have to balance working, family and church life.

Praise God for days like yesterday which refocus me back to the original purpose for Discovery Church, which is to show people to Jesus. Each person baptized shared the role Discovery Church has played to lead them to Christ. I shed many joyful tears as I listened to the stories of God's faithfulness in these lives.

I needed a reminder of why we chose church planting and am grateful for the powerful reminder baptism provided. I am also thankful that God knows of our need for reminders along the way and is faithful to give reminders that refocus us on our call.

If I Only Had...

2009-10-29T14:45:00.000-07:00

I receive a daily devotion and the theme of one of this week's devotions was, "if I only had." I resonated with this theme because I often say it myself. I fall into the trap of fantasizing about how I happy I would be if I only had such and such. The only problem is that as soon as I acquire that one thing I had to have...I quickly begin thinking about the next fix. This becomes an endless cycle and can be very destructive.

The problem with the "if I only had" syndrome is that it is never enough. Instead of feeling content with what I have, the bottomless pit of needs and wants are never filled.

I have had to admit that I have a real issue with contentment. God has been dealing me with strongly on this issue and let me just say...it's hard!

Today I counted just a few of my "If I only"... and here is just a short list.

If only I had a smaller nose.
If only I had a maid.
If only I hadn't eaten that much lastnight.
If only we had more money in the savings account.
If only I had a new pair of UGGS.
If only I made more money.
If only my hair was longer.
If only my kitchen was bigger.

You get the point. It's ridiculous and just these small thoughts cause such discontentment in me. So, in order to reverse my feelings of discontentment, I made myself counteract this list with a new one. It is called my "I have" list.

I have a cute nose...just like my dad.
I have a beautiful house to clean.
I have plenty of food in my pantry and refrigerator.
I have money in savings!
I have five pairs of boots for crying out loud! Not to mention all the other shoes I have.
I have money in my checking account, savings and 401k.
I have long hair.
I have a great kitchen and make many wonderful meals and goodies in it.

Just making this list completely changed my focus and a feeling of satisfaction and CONTENTMENT washed over me.

I am challenging myself to change this pattern of living in an "if I only had," syndrome and instead turning my focus to be grateful for ALL I DO HAVE.

What "if I only had," list do you have? How can you change your focus and be thankful and content with what you do have? I dare ya to take the challenge!

Just Now Gettin It..A Glimpse of His Love

2009-08-31T08:53:00.001-07:00

Today I feel an overwhelming sense of God's love. This may seem like no big deal to other people, but I'm just now getting it.

I accepted Jesus into my heart at the age of nine. I always knew that God loved me as a little girl and especially as a sold out teenager. Somewhere along the way, I lost that loving feeling, so to speak. My Dad died when I was 18 and it marked a turning point for me as I begin to really question God's love for me. The blaring question in my mind of whether or not God loved me haunted me as I stood over my Dad's casket with my Mom and sisters.

You may be able to relate to my question of God's love as well. Have you ever asked, "How can God love me if He allowed this to happen?" I know I have asked this repeatedly, especially during difficult times in my life.

I asked this to God repeatedly over the last two years. Why did you take my babies? Why did we lose our ministry, our job, our church? Really God...you love me? I don't feel that love!!!! Can you relate?

Yet, over the last two years a transformation has happened in me. God's love is not dependent on what He does or doesn't do for us. It does not depend on our circumstances, our feelings, finances, if our children behave. He loves us...PERIOD.

I love those times when we feel God's love. Today, I felt His presence and His love stronger than I have in almost 16 years.

You may be reading this blog today and completely relate to my story of questioning God's love. If so, my heart aches for you. I pray today that somehow through the Word, some other person or just a sense of His presence, that you feel His Love for you. He loves you, PERIOD!!!

My Own Top Ten...Why I Believe in Church Planting

2009-08-22T12:58:00.000-07:00

Please pardon my lack of blogging over the last several weeks. I have been so involved in the church planting process and yet have not taken the time to blog about it. I apologize!

My husband, Jon is the recognized church planter of Discovery Church but I have been entrenched in the process with him and now find myself dreaming, eating, breathing, living church planting. I am just as passionate as he is, which is very cool because I think we make a great team. It's a blast to partner with your husband and work your tail off to see a dream become a reality. Many wives of planters feel that the church plant is their husband's calling and that their "role" so to speak should be minimal. I respectfully disagree. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I believe that God does call the wife too. God has used me in ways I never thought possible; I am doing things I never thought I could do and am happier than I've ever been in my life. I believe in church planting!

Just for fun, I came up with my own little list of the top ten reasons I believe in church planting:

10. No one expects me to be like the previous Senior Pastor's wife.

9. Church planters are a "weird" group of people, so I fit right in.

8. What you hoped would happen never does; instead it's better than what you hoped!

7. Witnessing God perform miracle after miracle, day after day. It's a supernatural life!

6. My children are just as excited and get to be apart of this dream.

5. Hearing testimonies of new believers on a weekly basis.

4. Watching nothing become something amazing for God!

3. Learning how to make money stretch and stretch and stretch and stretch.

2. Linking arms with my best friend (my husband) to pursue a call and a dream.

1. Knowing I'll stand in Heaven one day and hear "Well done thy good and faithful servant," while standing with all the people that came to know Jesus through church planting.

It's About....Relationship

2009-06-27T18:30:00.000-07:00

We're in the nitty gritty of church planting right now. We've had two preview services at The Wildlife Experience, which is our permanent venue and are meeting weekly in a transitional facility until our launch date of September 13, 2009. There's no turning back now!

Over the last few weeks a group of women that we've lovingingly termed, "D-Chicks," has begun meeting for a Beth Moore Bible study. It was originally our intention to launch small groups in the fall, but the women attending our church would not have it. The reason? They are hungry for relationships with other women. I was tentative about starting a group in the summer because I thought there would be a lack of attendance and commitment, yet I have been proved wrong.

The last few weeks have been amazing as women from all walks of life who did not even know each other a couple of months ago are building relationships and building community. Each week we share chocolate, laughter, tears, prayer and all the other chick gibberish that only chicks can understand. Last Monday, I sat back and observed these beautiful women who age from 13 to 50 something build relationships. It was a beautiful thing.

One of the biggest lessons I'm learning thus far in this journey of church planting is that it is about relationship. The budget, venue, cool sound equipment and what not do not matter if redemptive relationships do not happen. One of the core values of Discovery Church , is redemptive relationships. Relationships are what we were created for, both with our Creator and with each other. Who was better at the concept of relationship than Jesus? He sought to have relationship with everyone He met, no matter what their background was.

What could be better than sharing life, struggles, laughter, and yes chocolate with other people? It's about relationship.

Hardship?

2009-06-09T08:55:00.000-07:00

We just started a small group Women's Bible Study from Beth Moore entitled, "Living Beyond Yourself." I was immediately intrigued by the title of this study because Lord knows I need to live beyond myself.

Today's study discussed hardship. I was so challenged today about this concept of hardship. The basic premise is that following God requires sacrifice and has a cost. The cost of following Christ and His plan is not free!! I walked away from my study feeling conflicted, challenged, discouraged and with a new perspective.

There have been so many times when I've been mad at God because of difficulty in my life and have blamed it on following Him. I've said many things along of the lines of, "Come on God!" "We've answered your call to church plant, help us out!!" or "Why is life so hard when we've said yes to your call?"

My study this morning dug into the book of Acts where Paul and Barnabas faced much persecution and yet during this persecution many came to know Christ. Why does persecution and the furthering of the kingdom seem to go hand in hand?

I have no clear answer today regarding this question except that maybe we're so broken, so humbled and so out of the way that Jesus' strength can truly be made perfect in our weakness.

In Acts 13:51-52, Paul and Barnabas were persecuted and thrown out of the city and yet their response to this hardship was to shake the dust off their feet. Acts 13:52 says, "they were filled with the joy and the Holy Spirit." Then, they went on and continued to preach and God did many signs and wonders.

This is certainly not my response when I face hardship. Instead, I whine, wallow and feel sorry for myself. I question why we answered God's call to church plant and remind Him about what it has cost us. Most often I do not look at hardship as an opportunity to see how God wants to further His kingdom. Instead I threaten to quit, get mad or depressed, or isolate myself.

Today, I am challenged to see how God would choose to use my hardships to further His kingdom. I am also challenged to shake the dust off my feet and be filled with joy and His Spirit. God help me to Live Beyond Myself!

Enjoy the Moments

2009-05-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

I have always been a planner. I feel at ease and organized when I have a plan. The problem with always having life planned is that I tend to not enjoy the moments because if they are not in the plan, then I am thrown off kilter. The other issue I have is that instead of living in the moment, I am always looking ahead to the next moment. I try to anticipate what obstacle might lie ahead or what I can do to prevent this or that. I think I always try to plan ahead to prevent anything bad from happening.

What I am learning is that life will throw many curve balls our way. We can plan, do all the right things, follow the rules and yet still, bad things happen.

On the other hand, life hands us beautiful, fun amazing moments everyday and it is imporant to capture these moments and enjoy them to the fullest.

Yesterday was Mother's Day and Discovery Church's second public service. The day was full of stress and not much went according to plan. The sound system had issue after issue. The band didn't get to practice before service. The projector wasn't lined up. One of the videos didn't play. The whole plan was shot because of unforeseen issues that we had very little control over. Instead of freaking out about things NOT going according to plan, I forced myself to live in the moments of what was amazing about yesterday.

Here are just a few of the amazing moments that I enjoyed on May 10, 2009.

I woke up to a kiss and a hug from my husband.
When I woke up my boys, I was met with sweet hugs and a "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!!"
We had 123 people attend our second service for Discovery Church. Many of them attended our Easter Service and were returning to make Discovery Church their home.
I had the humbling honor of speaking to the Moms about practical ways to "Find Meaning Amidst Chaos." Then after the service I got to cheerlead, encourage and love on Moms who shared with me their struggles. Cool!!!
After church, my wonderful family ate some New York style pizza and my boys told me how much I meant to them.
I got a beautiful card, chocolate and a gift certificate for a manicure/pedicure and a new pair of pink high heels from my three guys.
The day was cloudy and cool, so my family cuddled up on the couch and watched t.v. together.

Life will always present us with trials, struggles and difficulty. Yet in the midst of those trials are precious gifts and moments meant to be enjoyed.

Find the moments in your days and enjoy them!!

Does That Make Me CRAZY????

2009-05-05T13:58:00.000-07:00

Today I heard one of my favorite songs by Gnarls Barkley titled, Crazy. I can truly relate to this song. It says:

I remember when, I remember when I lost my mind.
There was something so pleasant about that place...

I feel like I'm losing my mind in the craziness of and busyness of life. I can no longer ignore the nagging signals of the blues that are trying to tell me to slow down. I woke up this morning with a pain in my chest after tossing and turning the better part of the night. I'm eating poorly, not exercising regularly and haven't really had any good time with God in weeks.

These are all the things I vowed NOT to do when we started Discovery Church, so I'm getting back on the balance bandwagon because this is ridiculous!

How do you stay on the balance bandwagon? What are the signals that your body gives you when you are out of balance?

Update

2009-04-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

I apologize for my lack of blogging over the last couple of weeks. Life has been crazy!!

We had our first public meeting at our new venue and God blessed us with 175 people. It was an amazing day and I'm still in awe at what God did.

Last Sunday night we had a comeback event and rented out the IMAX theater that is located in our venue. How cool is that? We had 258 attend the event and had a few minutes before the movie to tell people about Discovery Church. Again, I am in amazement at what God is doing.

There's not much time to bask in this, honestly. The next public service we have is Mother's Day and gearing up for our "Moms Gone Wild" theme is time consuming, but worth it! I can't wait to honor Moms and see what God does this time.

I promise to be more diligent about blogging...that whole balance thing is tripping me up again. :)

Do You Really Get Easter?

2009-04-09T08:09:00.001-07:00

I have been wrapped up in a flurry of activity this week as we prepare for our first publicly advertised service for Discovery Church. Easter seems like the perfect Sunday to "capitalize" on in terms of starting a new church because after all, many people who don't normally attend church will go on Easter. I have been desperately grasping for moments to ponder and consider what Jesus did me for, personally on the cross but it seems that a new detail or to-do task replaces those urges. I wonder if I even get Easter?

Last Easter was a signficant day for me in my walk with God. I was just coming out of a dark trial in my life. We were not involved in ministry and were contemplating planting a church. Easter 2008 was unlike any Easter I've ever experienced in my life. I got to go to church as an attendee. There was no ministry or tasks that I was responsible for that day. I walked into church and sat down ready to do my "church time" and go home. The worship began with the typical Easter songs, the sermon went along with the typical Easter theme and people around me were dressed in their beautiful new Easter attire. Just your typical Easter, right? Wrong.

Toward the end of the service, Pastor Jim gave a response time and as I sat there I almost audibly heard Jesus speak to me. He said, "do you even get what I did for you?" I began to weep. Images of the months prior to Easter flashed in my mind as I remembered the brokenness I had been enveloped in. I felt such an overwhelming sense of God's presence that day as He taught me and gently explained to me what He did for me. I felt such restoration that day and a completely new understanding of salvation was reached. Last year, I got Easter. I want to get Easter again this year!

My prayer today is that you "get Easter," this year. Don't be so busy in preparation for the big ministry day that you forget what Jesus did for you...yes for you.

Here are some points to contemplate:

How does the sacrifice of Jesus impact you on a daily basis..not just Easter?
Do you get Easter?
What has Jesus actually "saved" you from ?

Happy Blizzard Day!

2009-03-26T09:18:00.000-07:00

Today in Denver, we are supposed to get almost two feet of snow! A lot of people dread snow, but I absolutely love it. There is nothing better than a day of pajamas, hot chocolate, cookies, movies and snuggling with my three favorite guys. There is also a challenge that has been put out by Caleb for a round of UNO. Admittedly, a little work has to happen too, but that is okay.

Our family has made some amazing memories together in past years when we've been cooped up together due to one of these famous springtime Colorado blizzards. There is something relaxing about watching the snow fall. The beautiful white snowflakes put me into a trance and make me very nostalgic. The snow also forces me to slow down and enjoy life a bit. Sometimes, I need that!!

I plan on enjoying our Blizzard Day, complete with lots of food, hugs and cuddles from my guys and a good movie by the fire place. Ahhh...a little piece of heaven.

I better enjoy today because tomorrow is sure to be a day for some serious sledding, baby!!

You're My BFF!

2009-03-05T08:11:00.000-08:00

God has truly blessed me with incredible friendships! I have always been kind of a loner...who enjoys my independence but that has changed over the last several months. I have realized that God does not want me nor has He designed me to walk through life alone. He has provided some awesome women in my life to share the journey. Now, don't get me wrong...my husband Jon is my best friend. We can talk and laugh for hours but there are differences between my friendship with my husband and my friendship with girlfriends.

Here are some of those differences:

Girls sip coffee and chat. Guys down their coffee and want to move on to the next thing.
Girls lament and give compassion to one another about changing bodies. I can talk to my girlfriends about how different my body looks now versus before having kids and how it seems that my butt is falling and she gets that! My husband gives me the glassy-eyed look and nods.
My girlfriends understand why hair color and anti-wrinkle cream are simply NOT optional. They also fully understand why it's important for every woman to have that one pair of high heels that flatter your legs and make you look five pounds lighter. Again...when I try to explain this phenomenon to Jon, I get the glassy-eyed look.
Girlfriends understand and can track conversations where every detail matters and where a story simply takes 30 minutes to tell instead of two minutes. My husband with his glassy-eyed look, nods, taps his fingers and just wants the jist of the story.

I hope you have BFF's in your life to share life with. Girls need other girls to laugh with, cry with, spend hours at the mall with and chat.

Go have some girlfriend time today!!

Amazed

2009-02-23T07:36:00.000-08:00

I have been very humbled over the last several days at God. The other day, I was leaving my office and was struck with emotion of how blessed I am to do what I do in life. I have the honor of walking with people through some of the darkest and most difficult parts of their lives. As a counselor, I am often asked the question of, "how do you do it?" My answer to this question is, "how could I not?" I am so amazed and humbled by the miracles I get to witness in the counseling office each week. God is ever present and near during counseling sessions and for that I am so grateful.

The other part of my life, I am grateful for is the privilege of planting a church. I get to listen to people share difficulties, victories, prayer requests and life in general. It is so cool! I just pray that I never take this honor lightly or for granted. The fact that God would call and pick Jon and I to plant a church in Parker is dumbfounding to me. Yet, the tears fall as I post this blog because I am just so thankful.

People have asked us over and over why in the world we would "subject" ourselves to church planting. I try not to cringe or be offended by this question. Instead, I allow it to bring me to the place of remembering where we were at just 18 months ago. We truly were in the pit; alone, angry, hurt and vowed we would NEVER be in ministry again. We basically walked away from God and wanted nothing to do with him. Yet, the redeeming love of God pursued us relentlessly until we were reconciled back to Him.

You see, I get it now. I get salvation. I get the love of God. I get restoration and more than anything want to be apart of showing others this God, my God who is relentlessly pursuing them just like He did Jon and I.

Life is a privilege and is short. We should always strive to live life to the fullest. I pray that the passion and zeal I am experiencing never leaves but instead drives and motivates me to love God, my family and others.

Who Are You And What Have You Done With Angie!

2009-02-10T11:19:00.000-08:00

I love personality tests. I frequently administer personality tests to my clients in counseling and they are always insightful and interesting. Every so often, I give myself a personality test just to see if any parts of my natural personality has changed. Recently, I took a shortened version of a popular personality test called the Meyers Briggs. Guess what? I've changed a bit.

I have always been an introvert. The thought of crowds, speaking and forming new relationships has always been a difficult area for me. Being a pastor's wife has forced me many times to be extroverted. At church or church functions, I could muster enough of that extrovert self to do what I needed to do, but I usually went home exhausted, wanting to hibernate in my introverted self.

Since we made the decision to church plant, I knew that I really needed God's help with this. Entertaining, meeting new people and all the ins and outs of forming new relationships is probably what scared me the most, but so much of this type of thing is required and needed in church planting. Everytime we entertain (which we do alot of now) or meet with new people, I have diligently prayed for God's strength. He has been so faithful everytime and now I find that I look forward to meeting new people and having total strangers in my home.

The other day as I took the personality test I was referring to above, it pegged me as a "slightly expressed extrovert." This blew me away!

What I am finding in my life is that as I allow God to use me wherever He wants, He is also providing such strength, boldness and I am probably more comfortable with who I am as a person than I have ever been. I couldn't help but laugh at myself a few days ago as I chatted with five complete strangers in Walmart. As I walked to my car I said aloud, "WHO ARE YOU, ANGIE HAMP?" Just a few months ago, I would have never done this.

Sometimes God calls us to do things we promised we'd never do and fear can set in. God is so faithful though and as the old saying goes, "when God calls, He also equips." Guess what?? It's true!!! How cool is that?

Voices In My Head

2009-01-26T07:42:00.000-08:00

"I'll pray for you." When someone says this to me, I feel a sense of appreciation and peace knowing that someone else is going to God on my behalf. Over the last couple of years, I have become skeptical of those four words and cynical about whether or not someone who said they would pray for me actually did. Why would I be skeptical and not believe someone who told me they were going to pray for me? The answer to this question is two-fold.

First, it seems that saying "I'll pray for you," is often an automatic response to others who share a need with us. I liken it to the robotic response we give people when they ask, "How are you?" Most often we say, "Fine how are you?" Sometimes we not fine but give the answer that we're programmed to give.

The second part of the answer to the question is that I have to honestly admit that there are many times when someone shares a need with me, I give the robotic response of I'll pray for you, walk away and never do. My lack of keeping my word to someone else resulted in my own cynicism and this became an issue that God really began dealing with me on.

Every time I would give my robotic response of, "I'll pray for you," the voice of the Holy Spirit would whisper to me, "will you really?" It almost drove me crazy!!

After several instances of dealing with the voices in my head, I sat down one day to talk this over with God. I began to ask His forgiveness as I truly felt convicted about the many times I pledged to pray for someone and did not. I asked myself the inevitable question of WHY I do this? Almost instantly, a sweet whisper from The Holy Spirit gently said, "because you don't believe I answer prayer."

I broke into tears as this realization penetrated my heart. The truth is that I had become very skeptical and cynical of God answering prayer. Why? Because I have many prayers that remain unanswered. Somehow in my thinking, I translated that if God didn't answer my prayers why in the world would He answer someone elses?

This realization of a very needed change of heart has caused me to be aware of my robotic answer. Now, when I say I am going to pray for someone, I do. The issue for me came down to my own unbelief in my God. The cool thing is that I have a renewed passion for prayer and I'm seeing prayers answered!!

Next time you tell someone you will pray for them, listen to see if that same voice that spoke to me speaks to you. If you hear the voices in your head, don't call your psychiatrist but instead be still and listen. The "voice" just may have something important to say.

Finding Balance

2009-01-15T08:32:00.000-08:00

This summer, we enjoyed watching the Women's Gymnastics team compete. Gymnastics is a fascinating event, but the one component that I cringe in watching is the balance beam part of the competition. How can the human body stand on a four inch piece of beam, let alone jump and flip in the air? Watching this event made me a nervous wreck.

Right now, life feels to me like a balancing act. We are well into our journey of church planting and I am trying to find the right amount of time for everything on my plate. What I am finding is that I am not giving any one thing 100%. I feel like I am on that four inch beam and if I move just a bit, I will fall off the beam.

Here are some of my struggles to find the right balance:

I have changed roles from stay at home Mom, to working Mom. The house isn't as clean (I love my house spotless at all times), I'm not able to spend as much time with my kids, I don't get to volunteer at my boys' schools as much. I feel guilty about all of this!

We are eating, breathing, living, sleeping church planting. It seems that most conversations have something to do with the church plant.

I am struggling to remain connected to my husband.

I am still trying to figure out who I am as a Pastor's wife. Some of my current questions are: How much involvement do I need to have in the church without compromising my first obligation to my family? Is it really okay to just be me? Will people accept me as me or what they think I should be?

Do other church planting wives feel this way or am I just weird? :)

I wonder what a true definition of balance means? There are those rare days when I feel like I have been able to give each responsibility enough attention and a feeling of satisfaction follows. I love those days!! Most days don't end with this satisfaction and instead a feeling of, "how can I do better," haunts me. Balance is a tricky thing!!

What are your thoughts on balance? How do you maintain balance on the beam of life?

Just Another Resolution?

2009-01-05T10:07:00.000-08:00

I, like most people anticipate the start of a new year. It seems that each January 1st brings a chance for a fresh start. The start of any new year also presents the opportunity to reflect on the happenings of the previous year. Most people take the time to ponder what was good, what was bad, what could have been done differently, etc. Then, a time for expectations and what we'll do differently dominate our thoughts as the new year approaches. Resolutions are made but statistics show that these resolutions are broken or forgotten within the first few weeks of the new year. Then, old patterns and old ways are continued until the next December 31st when the cycle starts again.

Since I have a degree in Psychology, my mind frequently contemplates human behavior. Why do we make resolutions and within days break those resolutions? Our intentions are so good and yet our actions seldom remain consistent with those intentions. Maybe it is time to look deeper.

I am reading a book titled, "Get Over It and On With It." It is an honest book about how to get up when life knocks you down and is full of great insight. In one section, Michelle (the author) discusses recurring themes in life and says, "Whenever you see a recurring theme in Scripture or in your life, you can be sure it is a key to unlocking the door of your destiny. What are recurring themes in your life? Look at them closely; you may learn important things" (Hammond, 2004).

Carefully looking at recurring themes in our lives and being honest about those themes can be an incredible opportunity for true change. In my practice as a counselor, most of my clients deeply desire change in their lives, but many are unwilling to do the necessary work or to allow the refinement process to run its course. I often have clients write their biography and I carefully screen their story for recurring themes. They are always present and can be very helpful in the counseling process.

I am noting recurring themes in my life and I have to admit it is a bit uncomfortable and at the same time enlightening! As I note these themes, I am sensing and hearing the voice of God very clearly. His presence has been very attentive during my times of introspection.

What are some recurring themes in your life? What are some ways you are addressing these themes? How are you allowing God to address recurring themes? These are just some questions to aid you in your resolution making process. ;)

Hammond, M. (2004). Get Over It and On With It. Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook Press.

Christmas on Hillside Way

2008-12-22T09:06:00.000-08:00

Jon and I decided to begin a new Christmas tradition this year called, "Christmas on Hillside Way." (this is the name of the street we live on). We involved our boys in the process of creating invitations, making goodies, and yes..cleaning! The mission of our Christmas party was to open our home to neighbors and just get to know one another better. Our family spent the entire day preparing for our party and each of us was assigned a specific job. It was fun to see our family come together for this purpose.

The time finally came and we waiting nervously for the doorbell to ring. As neighbors began to arrive, the nervousness dissipated as each new neighbor brought a joyful, Merry Christmas greeting! Soon, the awkwardness disappeared as we met 21 new neighbors. At one point, I sat back with tears in my eyes as I watched their conversations turn from chit-chat to real life issues and concern for one another. In just a few minutes, strangers became friends to us and to one another. It was amazing!!

The two hour gathering we planned soon turn into a three hour gathering as we sat around and laughed and shared. I kept having to hold the tears back because I just felt so blessed and grateful for the wonderful people I get to live with on "Hillside Way." The night slipped away and as a new friends left our home, hugs...not handshakes were exchanged. Every single neighbor asked if we planned to host "Christmas on Hillside Way, " again. We both said, "ABSOLUTELY!!"

We began to clean up and I remembered a voice mail I had received earlier from a neighbor who told me she and her family would not be able to attend. She said on her message that they had just arrived home from the hospital and that her husband had to have an emergency surgery. Jon and I packed up several goodies so that we could bring Christmas on Hillside Way to them.

(Get the kleenex because you will need it when I share this part).

Jon knocked on their door and introduced himself, announcing that since they were not able to come to Christmas on Hillside Way, Christmas on Hillside Way was coming to them! They invited him in and started sharing. Jon asked to pray with them and they wholeheartedly said, Yes! As Jon prayed, tears began to flow from both Greg and Jeanine. Greg told Jon that they hadn't gone to church for a very long time, but today had said outloud, "I wish I had a pastor who would come see me and pray for me." Wow!!

Jon came home and shared this with me and I was overcome with emotion. Today, as I write this I am still overcome with emotion. I've been a pastor's wife for years and I am ashamed of my lack of caring for the people who live just next door and down the street. I spent years wrapped up in church and would come home from church feeling like I did my duty. All around us live people who don't know Christ and are hurting. I am so grateful for the opportunity to church plant because for me, it has given me a mission like I've never had before. Church planting has been a real catalyst in my life for a change of heart. PEOPLE MATTER!! I pray that NEVER changes!!!

Will we host Christmas on Hillside Way in 2009? You bet we will.

Happy Anniversary, Studman!

2008-12-17T18:24:00.001-08:00

Today is my anniversary. On December 17, 1994, I walked down the aisle to meet a man at the altar named Jon Hamp. We pledged to love one another in sickness and health for better or worse. I, like most brides felt that there would be only better and no worse. Years of marriage do produce some of the "worse," but I feel the worse has only made us better.

And better we are after 14 years of holy matrimony. Happy Anniversary, my love! You still make me laugh hysterically, cry tears of joy, and make my heart beat faster at the sight of your face and the sound of your voice.

I love you, Jon Hamp...always and forever, always and forever. (hehehe a little Napoleon humor)

Angelface

The Danger of Comparing

2008-12-15T19:12:00.001-08:00

Last week a woman I greatly respect shared an important nugget of wisdom with me. She said, "do not compare yourself to other people." She was referring to the church planting process we are currently engaged in. I was honestly sharing some of my disappointments as of late with her. With a smile and a look of, "I know how you feel," she lovingingly cautioned me about comparing the process of planting Discovery Church to other church plants.

Honestly, I have been discouraged over the last several weeks. I look at the different church plants that are mothered, the cool literature and websites they have and I get into the thought process of feeling jipped. This is very dangerous. You see, I've always struggled with feeling like God's stepchild, instead of his child. I know all of the scriptures and theology regarding that, but I can't help it at times. This is an area of weakness for me and I have been working diligently on saying, "I am a child of God."

What I am discovering is that when I get into the slippery slope of comparing myself to others, my eyes are wide shut to what God wants to do in my life. I have been expecting God to work in the way I think He should and not giving Him the freedom to move in His way.

This week I am intentionally opening my eyes wide to see the hand of God in my life, in Jon's life and in Discovery Church. Comparing myself to others gains me nothing. Opening my eyes to God's movement in my life gains me a whole new perspective!

I'm Back!

2008-12-11T16:02:00.002-08:00

I apologize for the severe delay since my last post. I have been deeply contemplating and processing some issues in my life and wanted to wait until I had all the answers before blogging. (Go ahead and laugh!)

Here are some of my deep musings as of late:

Man, church planting in hard!
God, are my prayers reaching you?
I don't get God...most of the time.
Spiritual attacks are real.
I'm tired of fighting the blues.

Wow, aren't I inspiring?? I have actually come to some very cool resolutions regarding these musings and want to share these also.

Church planting is hard, but nothing worth anything is easy. What is birthed in pain shall reap much joy. I truly believe this!
Yes, my prayers are reaching God, but sometimes He doesn't answer them MY way.
I still don't get God most of the time, but I am learning the hard way to truly trust Him. I love the imagery in Psalm 91 of God being a refuge and and a shelter. That image of Him allows me to trust Him...even when I don't get Him.
Spiritual attacks are very real and Satan flat out wants to destroy me. Therefore, I must have my armor on (Ephesians 6). I like a fight and when I know who I am fighting it makes it much easier to get a game plan. The other day, I really felt like I was under attack, so I put on my favorite praise song and shouted it. I also wrote a tithe check and prayed for everyone that came to my mind. I'm sure it made Satan red hot mad!
I am tired of fighting the blues and am taking some preventitive steps to combat the blues. Here is my recipe for the blues and it is pretty effective.

1. Eat Healthy
2. Get Enough Rest
3. Exercise
4. Spend time with God.
5. Do something for yourself everyday.

I promise to get back into the habit of blogging regularly. God is active and at work in my life and I hope He is in yours too. Sometimes when God seems to be most distant and out of reach is when He is the closest.

I

2008-12-11T16:02:00.001-08:00

I apologize!

2008-12-04T16:18:00.000-08:00

Fellow bloggers:

I apologize for not updating my blog lately. Life has been handing me some challenges and when I process through these challenges a bit more, I will return to blogging. Right now...I am reflective, contemplative, introspective and just plain trying to figure out what God is up to.

Stay tuned.....

Thanksgiving?

2008-11-11T13:39:00.001-08:00

What the heck happened to Thanksgiving? I love Christmas as much as the next girl, but it seriously saddens me to go to the store and see nothing but Christmas decor.

I just want to petition everyone to remember to give thanks. Take today and list every single thing you are thankful for. I encourage you to keep your list and when life's struggles get you down, take the list out and remember all the blessings God has given you.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I hope all of us pause to remember to Give Thanks!

Restoration

2008-10-28T09:44:00.000-07:00

WARNING! THE BLOG YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ WILL BE HIGHLY EMOTIONAL AND BRUTALLY HONEST. IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE THIS, PLEASE CLOSE YOUR BROWSER AND MOVE ON TO ANOTHER SAFER BLOG. THANK YOU.

Jeremy Camp is a Christian artist who writes about his own life tragedy. He is by far my favorite artist, but I try not to listen to his music unless I am alone and have a box of kleenexes. Today, I did not follow this rule and during my morning run, decided to listen to Jeremy Camp. The first song that played is called, "Restored." The first verse of the song played and the tears began to flow. It is one of those God moments when you blubber and snot all over yourself because His presence is so amazingly with you. Instead of trying to squelch my emotions, I let them flow. My arms flew up in the air, the tears poured out like rain, and I experienced a gratefulness like none other.

You see, I NOW get the song, "Restored." I have listened to this song many times over the last couple of years and wondered when I would hear it as merely a song and instead shout it like a mantra. Today, I did and my mantra is: YOU HAVE RESTORED ME, FROM MY FEEBLE AND BROKEN SOUL. YOU HAVE RESTORED ME.

(Here's where you will want to heed that warning I told you about). For months, I felt like life full on bitch-slapped me. I apologize for the crassness of that word, but it fits. We lost our beloved daughter, Grace, our job, ministry...all in the span of nine months. The pain did not end there. The abandonment we felt from friends in ministry, a diagnosis PTSD and hard road of expensive and painful counseling left me feeling and constantly asking the question of, WHY?

I heard over and over that God would restore and I stopped believing it. During the dark road, I walked down, I wanted nothing to do with church, ministry, pastors...you name it. Then in January, Jon and I were in a small country church and a lady gave a word about letting the river of God's blessings flow in your life. I rolled my eyes and sat down, ready to check out and daydream until...she said these words that cut through my heart like a knife. She said, "why are you letting unforgiveness stop the healing and blessing of God?"

I fell in my chair, as did Jon and we both wept. The bitterness, unforgiveness and poison that we harbored were literally killing us and we vowed that it would STOP that day. Jon and I committed to let forgiveness flow freely in our lives and immediately started setting up meetings with those who offended or hurt us and that we had offended and hurt. Our list even included God. Those meetings were scary and the dose of humble pie we had to swallow did not taste good. The months following were not magically better; the pain did not completely subside but we continued to sow and pray. Slowly, day by day more and more healing took place.

Today, it was as if a catharsis that began many months ago was completed. I feel restored. The privilege of Jon and I getting to plant Discovery Church and God giving us a platform to speak to others is such an honor.

I write this very honest and open blog because I know that there are many people who need restoration in their lives. The price to pay for restoration is high and it is not easy. God asked much of Jon and I and He will ask much of you, BUT it is so worth it. I pray that if you need restoration in your life, that a catharsis (a form of emotional cleansing) would begin for you. I hope soon you can have the mantra of: "YOU HAVE RESTORED ME, FROM THE FEEBLE AND BROKEN SOUL, YOU HAVE RESTORED ME."

Count Your Blessings

2008-10-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

I love music! I frequently wake up with a song in my head. Sometimes the song I wake up with in my head plays in my head all day. It can be annoying! Today I woke up singing the old hymn, "Count Your Blessings." I am not sure why I woke up singing this song, except that maybe God is trying to tell me something.

The chorus goes like this:

Count your blessings name them one by one.
Count your blessings, see what God has done.
Count your blessings...name them one by one.
Count your many blessings see what God has done.

The cool thing about counting your blessings is that when you do, they add up quickly!!

Here are just a few of my blessings.

I have Jesus
My husband loves me
Noah and Caleb hug me every day and kiss me on the cheek. (they love their mommy)
My house is a great source of comfort and I live in a great neighborhood, filled with beautiful scenery.
I have these really awesome running shoes. They cushion my feet and make me run faster. ;)
I live in Colorado.

It is truly amazing how different our perspective can be when we just count our blessings.

P.S. I'm sorry if that song is now stuck in your head! ;)

I Got The Blues

2008-10-08T09:20:00.001-07:00

I have been fighting the blues over the last couple of days. I've read and talked to a couple of other fellow church planter's wives who tell me that they had periods of the blues during their various church planting stages. We are in a stage of frustration right now in this process and honestly it seems as though many prayers are hitting the ceiling and bouncing right back. Honestly, most of the time I don't understand God.

As a counselor, I constantly hammer the importance of self care to my clients. It's pretty simple really. NO SELF CARE, NO MENTAL HEALTH. Right now, my self care is in the tank. It's no wonder that I'm battling the blues. I woke up this morning with that dull sense of blah and since I'm on my fifth day of blah...it was time to take an inventory of myself. I call it a "systems check."

Here is my systems check:

I am working too much and having too little fun or down time.
I have let myself indulge in some negative thought patterns.
I worry obsessively about money or the lack thereof.
I am lonely.
Jon and I have had very little time together for weeks.

Today there are a million things I need to accomplish, but the most important and crucial task I need to do is take care of myself. I'm tired, frustrated, teary, and discouraged. This is a dangerous place to be.

Here's how I plan to catapult myself out of this cycle.

I am going to call a friend and set up coffee.
I am going to do the minimum at work today and instead get some sunshine.
I am going to laugh today.
I am going to set up a date with my hubby.
As for money...well that's God's job. I am just going to continue to be a good steward.

Hopefully I will find myself out of the blues and feeling light and hopeful once again by following some of my own advice. If you read this...I give you permission to keep me accountable. :)

I Ran The Race!

2008-09-30T08:42:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago, I set a goal to run a 5k. In the beginning of my training, I didn't really enjoy running but as my endurance and strength was built, I truly began to look forward to running each day.

Sunday was the big day and I arrived at the race ready to go! There was a 10k and a 5k run and the officials allowed the 10k runners to go first. I stood on the side as the announcer shouted, "Ready, Set, GO!" for the 10k runners, then I lined up for my race. I put on my running mix of music and got ready. Others in front of me began to run across the start line and I followed suit. I felt invigorated and wanted to sprint, but held myself to the pace I had trained at.

Just a short way down the course, I noticed a sign that said, 10k course. It was then I realized I was not on the 5k course, but was on the 10k course! I started to panic but there was no turning back...at least not for this over-achieving girl! I had not trained for 6.2 miles, I had trained for 3.1 miles, but determination and adrenaline kicked in and I turned up my music and ran.

When I hit the four mile mark, an older gentleman ran up alongside me. I took my headphones off and he began to share with me that he had run 61 marathons in his life and that he was 72! He had a stroke at the age of 70, and this was his first race since the stroke. I felt inspired and thought, "If he can do this, I can do it!" I ran with this gentleman for a mile and got to hear an amazing life story. The cool thing is he lives in Parker where we are planting a church and when I shared with him about Discovery Church, he showed great interest. He is Catholic, but has not attended for years. How cool is that????

At the five mile mark, I was hurting. Just as I was beginning to hit a wall, I looked up and saw a man with a prosthetic leg. I increased my speed a bit to observe him. Again, I was inspired! I don't know his story, but again thought, "If he can do it, I can do it!"

I cannot describe the feeling of running across Invesco Field and seeing myself on the Jumbo Tron as I prepared to cross the finish line. My boys and Jon were waiting and cheering me on. It was incredible!!

Basking in the glow and feeling of victory, I paused to think about how my run relates to church planting. Here are some of the parallels for me.

When you want to quit, God sends people to inspire and cheer you on!

You can do more than you ever thought possible with God!

Run at the pace you trained at! If you sprint in the beginning, you will fizzle out quickly. If regard to church planting...go at the pace that God is leading instead of watching what others are doing and trying to replicate that.

Make the most of every opportunity. I don't think it was a coincidence Bob (the older gentleman) ran with me. That was a God moment and I was able to make a connection, share Jesus and invite this man to church.

Have Fun and enjoy the journey! Church planting is a blast!!!

I am already getting ready for my next 10k. Who knows? Maybe I will accidentally end up in the half marathon line. Nah!!!

You're Crazy!

2008-09-10T14:14:00.000-07:00

"If you really want to plant a church, you're crazy!" These are the words Jon used when he spoke to Dennis. Dennis and Cindy are our very best friends. They live in Oklahoma City and have served at a large church there for over seven years. They have a nice house, steady paycheck, health insurance and many friends. Yet, God has called them to come to Parker and Discovery Church and trade it all for: very little money, no health insurance and a church that at this point has around 20 people and won't even launch for a year!

I listened to Jon's conversation with Dennis as he tried to talk him out of the crazy idea of church planting with us. He praised Dennis's talents and abilities and assured him that any church would love the idea of him being their senior pastor. He informed Dennis that this could fail and that it was not a financial step forward, but rather a HUGE financial step back. Do you want to know what Crazy Dennis and Cindy said? They said, "so, call us crazy but God has called us to church plant with you.

I drifted off into my own thought process and pondered about how crazy this truly is. The next place my mind went to was how unbelievably excited I am about church planting and how I think we would be crazy NOT to do it.

So, call me crazy. Call all of us crazy, but we are crazy church planters! Whoo-hoo!

My Faithful God

2008-08-30T14:22:00.000-07:00

What I am going to talk about in this post may seem like "old hat," type of stuff. I want to brag about the faithfulness of God. I've known Jesus since I was nine years old and have heard many times over about the scriptural principle of tithing. I have something to confess...

The confession I need to make is that is hard for me to tithe at times. Now, when a steady paycheck is available every two weeks, there's food in the pantry, and there is enough money to pay the bills, then tithing is NO PROBLEM. When there's little food in the pantry, a stack of unpaid bills and no steady paycheck, then there's a problem.

This has been my recent prayer to God and it goes something like this. "God, I want to tithe. Really I do, but if I tithe this amount, then I'm that much short to pay this or that." I should be let off the hook, right?? WRONG!!

I took myself back to the grass roots of basic Christianity and read Malachi 3:6-12. After reading this passage, I've read many times, I took a deep breath and wrote our tithe check. I confessed to Jon my struggle and together we prayed over our tithe check. I said out loud to God, "I'm testing you..and I'm scared."

Instead of fear, I felt peace. Instead of trepidation, I felt reassurance and trust in my God. Guess what?? He came through!

Today, I get to testify about my test. God did indeed provide. A check came from an unexpected source. We had a yard sale and made just enough to cover the remaining bills and...another tithe check.

Living a life of complete faith and utter dependence on God gives me something I don't sometimes see when there is plenty...It allows me to experience a truly Faithful God.

Happy Birthday, Grace Faith!

2008-08-18T11:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday represented the day our daughter was due to be born one year ago. Her name was Grace Faith. Jon named her after reading Ephesians 2:8 that says, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God." God's grace is an amazing gift and so was our Grace.

I was blessed to carry Grace for twelve weeks. We experienced the joy of seeing her on ultrasound several times. The images of her heart beat, and watching her dance and kick are ones that I treasure.

It is hard to understand God and His sovereignty. Honestly, I wrestle very much with this. There are days when the cry of a baby sends pain to my heart. The ache in my arms is very real. The tears fall freely from my eyes when I see a daughter dance with her Daddy. Even a year later, I still ask...Why?

Yesterday at church, Pastor Jim talked about Heaven. I could hardly contain myself as I was reminded of that hope of seeing Grace someday. I've dreamed about her so many times and someday I will get to hold her. Jon will get to dance with her. We'll be reunited. Praise God for that hope!

Happy Birthday, my sweet baby girl. Daddy, me, Noah and Caleb talk of you often and can't wait to be with you someday. We love you, Grace Faith!

Church Planting Olympics

2008-08-14T19:09:00.001-07:00

I have been loving the Olympics! It is incredible to watch top athletes from around the world compete and win. It is heart-breaking to watch others be defeated and "lose," their competition. These athletes have trained for hours, days, weeks, and years for one chance at the gold. Then, in just mere moments, their hopes can be dashed or realized. It's crazy!

Yesterday, I listened to several stories of athletes who had sustained injuries, multiple surgeries and setback after setback. Yet, they persevered through pain and agony to return to the game. Amazing!

As I watched the U.S. Women's gymnastics team fall off the balance beam, step out of bounds and lose hope of the gold, I thought about my own journey. I have faced injury, setbacks, fallen off the balance beam, and there are times when I just want to quit. I whine and complain about my pain and ask God to just let me off the Church Planting Olympic Team!

But...He doesn't. Instead, God picks me up and wipes away my tears. Just like a coach, He says, "GET UP! RUN THE RACE! PERSEVERE! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Thank you Coach Jesus for allowing me to be on your Olympic Team!

A True, Honest Confession

2008-08-12T15:11:00.001-07:00

Okay, so..here goes a true, honest confession. Fundraising stinks!! Jon is in the beginning stages of fundraising for Discovery Church and I have to tell you, it has not been a fun journey. I had a very wise Missionary's wife tell me that when churches and Pastors choose not to support your church, NOT to take it personally. I am contemplating and trying to process my feelings right now.

Here are a few thoughts I'm really battling with:

1. Why does it seem that pastors who have been abundantly blessed are so stingy?

2. Why do people want to pass the buck and say it is someone else's responsiblity to help birth a church?

3. How am I going to deal with what feels like utter rejection? It's painful!!

4. How am I going to stick with this, and make a difference in the world of church planting?

5. What am I going to do to be extravagantly generous to other church planters through prayer and financial support? Am I going to be stingy and pass the buck? (NO!!)

A very wise church planter's wife gave me an important nugget of wisdom. She said, "Know that you know that you know." Well, I do know that I know that I know! When I look out the windows of my home and see neighbors who don't know Christ, I KNOW! When I go to the park and see a hundred teenagers who skateboard and smoke and just want to be loved, I KNOW! When I look into the eyes of my husband who is pouring blood, sweat and tears into what he is called to do, I KNOW!

I guess it is on days like this, that I have to know WHO called me and look to Him.

Doing Some Cleaning!

2008-08-09T13:16:00.001-07:00

This morning I woke up with a motivation to clean my house from top to bottom. We have a fun, bistro type table in our kitchen with tiles that serve as the top part of the table. Since we have two young boys, food quite often gets spilled, so I decided that today my motivation would drive me to deep clean the table in the kitchen. Can I just say, GROSS!?!?

As I took out each tile, more and more grime, crumbs, and sticky, icky, gooey junk was revealed. I scrubbed the table for over 30 minutes! I have to admit that I was tempted to put all of the tiles back, because afterall...if the tiles are all on the table, you cannot see the grime!

I was listening to a worship CD while I was cleaning. It's one of those moments where you wonder if it is pure coincidence or if The Holy Spirit is speaking! The chorus of the song, Inside Out by Hillsong, says:

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades. Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame. In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control. Consume me from the inside out Lord. Let justice and praise become my embrace. To love You from the inside out.

You probably know where I am going with this! I began to think of the crumbs, grime and ickey, gooey junk on my insides. I can put makeup on, style my hair, wear the latest fashions, and slap that good ole' Christian A/G smile on! The problem is, just like my table, there are those things on the inside that need to be scrubbed away. The temptation in my life is to "put the tiles back," so to speak and ignore the grime. Isn't that just easier??

Honestly...it is easier, but not healthier. Allowing the consuming fire of God to clean our grime results in something beautiful from the "inside out."

I Had An Amazing Birthday

2008-08-08T15:19:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was my 34th birthday! I love being in my thirties and am not ashamed to express my age when people ask how old I am. There is a freedom that comes with being "thirty-something." I feel more confident, sure of who I am and like myself better than I did in my twenties.

Jon took the entire day off from work, as did I. I tried my hand at the game of golf and although, I quite honestly "stunk it up," I had an amazing time! We have not taken an entire day off in months, to be alone and spend some quality time together. I enjoyed holding hands with my husband, kissing him on the cheek, and laughing with him!

The day wrapped up with a movie, cheesecake and a rendition of Happy Birthday from my son, Caleb. I fell asleep with a smile on my face. My birthday rocked!!

Making The Most Of Moments

2008-08-01T08:43:00.000-07:00

The lifestyle of a church planter is not one for the faint of heart. I've been reading and researching a lot about the how's, why's, do's and don'ts of church planting and it has been enlightening. What I have not been enlightened about in my reading is how to effectively deal with the strain that church planting has on a marriage.

I am a marriage counselor, so my antennae are up in this area. I counsel couples daily on working on their relationships, but to be completely honest, there are times when I fail to work on my own relationship. Shame on me!!

I have a confession to make. There have been times in our marriage, where Jon and I have struggled. It has been that feeling of, "I'm committed to you, so I'm staying, but I don't really like you right now." What I've found is that this is a normal part of marriage, BUT it is important not to linger there too long.

I am not at a point where I don't like my husband. What I feel right now is that I miss my husband. We are at a stage in this process where we are both working full time jobs, and trying to begin the ground work for Discovery Church. Can I be honest? It's hard! Our time together is very limited and it seems that when we are together, our conversations are spent discussing finances, kids, what is broken on the car or the house and then we both drift off to sleep in exhaustion.

Yesterday, Jon and I had a candid conversation about how we are both feeling right now. We both admitted that we are tired and that many of our emotional needs are not being met. Jon had a wonderful piece of advice for us. He said, "honey, we have to maximize our moments together." I pondered this for a moment and was a bit disappointed. What I wanted was for him to whisk me away on a romantic vacation or to plan an amazing night out, but the truth is, the money and time is not there right now. So, I snapped myself out of my complaining and made a plan.

We put the boys to bed at 9:00. I put my arms around Jon and invited him to lay out under the stars on the trampoline with me. He looked at me, went downstairs grabbed a blanket and out we went. Can I tell you that the moments we shared under the stars were life-giving to me, Jon, and our marriage. We talked, cuddled, laughed and yes even kissed! I woke up this morning, refreshed and more in love with my husband. The day is hectic, life is crazy, but I feel rejuvenated!

My challenge to myself and anybody who reads this blog, no matter what your situation is today, is this: MAXMIMIZE YOUR MOMENTS!

Birthday Time!

2008-07-28T13:52:00.000-07:00

On July 26, 1998, Noah Jonathan Hamp was born. He weighed 5 lbs. 10 ounces and was 18 inches long. He was a little guy, but the labor was not short. That baby boy took over 18 hours to give birth to!

We celebrated his 10th birthday on Saturday. Every year on Noah's birthday, I have mixed emotions. It is so much fun to watch him grow throw different stages. Noah has become quite the young man. He is polite, compassionate, kind and funny. He also has a faith that astounds me! There is a small part of me that is sad as my son grows each year. Like most parents, I feel like time flies. Didn't I just have him? Didn't he just take his first steps? Where does the time go??

Saturday was a memorable day that I cherish. I feel so incredibly blessed to have Noah. He truly is, as his name means, "a gift from God who will bring peace."

I love you, Noah!!

The picture at the top says it all. This one cracks me up because it is a classic look saying, "YES! I got just what I wanted!"

Happy Birthday, Josiah

2008-07-25T09:58:00.001-07:00

Many times, it's hard to understand the "higher ways," of God. I have a long list of questions for my Father and one of the biggest ones I have, is why I never got to have my baby, Josiah.

Jon and I are blessed with two handsome boys. They are incredible!! We have wanted a third child for a long time and have tried for several years to make this dreama a reality. In December 2005, we discovered we were pregnant after many years of trying for a third child. We were ecstatic, to say the least. At nine weeks, I had complications and lost the baby. Our son, Josiah was due to be born July 24, 2006. He would be two. I did not blog yesterday about this. Instead, I took the day to enjoy and love Noah and Caleb.

Today, I wanted to say Happy Birthday to my son, who is with Jesus. I am thankful that I got the opportunity to carry him for even a few weeks. I loved Josiah and am so grateful that someday, I will get to hold him, kiss him and listen to his laugh.

Miscarriage is something that is very common. Society, the medical field and even well meaning friends and family have a tendency to minimize miscarriage. If you've experienced the loss of a child, I want you to know that you are not alone. The place in your heart that aches for that baby is not something that should be minimized. Your child should be remembered and celebrated as a life, not as "spontaneous abortion."

I love the imagery in Psalm 56:8.

It says: "You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book."

I am grateful that Jesus holds my tears and that He is near in times of grieving. I am also thankful for the blessed hope of seeing my babies in Heaven someday. I visualize walking through the gates of heaven and seeing my Savior with my babies. I envision Him handing those children to me and the joy that will fill my heart as I kiss their faces. I pray you have this hope as well.

So, Happy Birthday, Josiah! Daddy, Mommy, Noah and Caleb all love you. I hope you are keeping true to the Hamp name and shaking things up in the Kingdom!! I will see you soon, my son.

I Got A Bootie Whippin!

2008-07-22T12:05:00.001-07:00

I woke up this morning with the weight of the world on my shoulders. Honestly, I am one of those Type A personalities, who like to have a plan, strategy and every detail worked out. When Jon and I go on a trip, I drive him crazy! I get so detailed that if fun is not planned...well it's hard for me to have fun. Being married to a spontaneous, "it will all work out," kinda guy makes me nut-so (is that a word?).

Let's just say that right now, I have no idea how things are going to work out. Financially, we've trusted God for manna for the day for over ten months. Going from a steady paycheck, health benefits, MBA retirement to being thankful for enough for the day is hard for me. I like a steady paycheck! I have a tendency to become so obssessed with the day to day operations of my life and my home, and I become disgustingly self absorbed.

I think God is trying to teach me something! (wink, wink). The other day I got up early and in my rush to leave for work, I almost missed an amazing site. I looked out into my backyard and saw this sweet little spotted fawn, with his Mom. We get the privilege of seeing these babies every summer because we live in an area of forest and open space. What struck me about this baby and his Mama was the nonchalant way in which they jump the fence into my yard without a care in the world. They casually graze in my grass and drink water from this fountain. Then, after a few minutes, these two gracefully moved on. The point?? They don't worry about provision!

Instantly, my mind went to Matthew 6:25-34. The version in The Message, pulls no punches. It says:

25-26"If you decide for God, living a life of God-worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you count far more to him than birds.

27-29"Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? All this time and money wasted on fashion—do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.

30-33"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

34"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Did you get that last verse?? I did and it hit me hard. It's in these times, that I feel that little spanking from God. What is God doing right now and where is my attention??? It's in these moments, that I humbly turn my focus back to where it should be. The details aren't worked out to my liking. The near future is not mapped out. There's no steady paycheck and it's not anywhere in sight yet. BUT.... as I turned my focus back to where it should be, and asked for my Father's forgiveness, my perspective changed.

Then, just like I do when I discipline my children, my God, the creator of the Universe, gently whispered...I love you, Angie. I felt Him hug me and surround me with His peace and His presence.

What is truly amazing to me, is the very near presence of God in my life, especially in times of discipline.

I Feel Weird Today!

2008-07-21T13:24:00.000-07:00

This is a weird day. I feel a bit down in the dumps, honestly. The last several days were adrenaline filled and so I think I feel that crash that happens after something very exciting occurs.

Today brings many questions, fears, doubts and worries. Here are some of my concerns.

1. What now? There is much, much, much to be done! We need strategy, vision, people and money. Where is all of that going to come from?

2. How is Jon going to balance 60 hours of work at a secular job and church? I worry about my honey! Jon is a hard worker. He worked a secular job for three years at a church we helped to plant in Utah and he has no problem doing that again. As a wife, you see the tired eyes and hear the weary voice and worry.

3. What is the right way to plant a church? We have tons of books, advice from other church planters and our own ideas. Some of the ideas from these wonderful resources contradict one another. Which one is right?

4. I feel lonely.

5. I feel so overwhelmed!!!

As I was writing this, my favorite Psalm came to mind. I felt the presence of my God wash over me. Read these powerful words from Psalm 91:14-16 (The Message)

14-16 "If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God, "I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the best of care if you'll only get to know and trust me. Call me and I'll answer, be at your side in bad times; I'll rescue you, then throw you a party. I'll give you a long life, give you a long drink of salvation!"

I am not sure if my feeling and concerns are normal. I just know this is how I feel. I am so grateful to know; however that God is right here. I am grateful that in my times of uncertainty or worry, His powerful Word can cut through my thoughts and penetrate my heart.

I'm A Pastor's Wife?!?!?!

2008-07-19T20:15:00.000-07:00

Wow! The call came yesterday that Jon and I received final approval to be church planters. I have this giddy kind of excited feeling. It is a lot like the one you get when you are standing in line for that big roller coaster. Everyone can't wait to get on and you really do want to ride, but as the harness comes down and the guy on the speaker tells you to keep your hands and feet inside the ride at all times...you think, "WHAT AM I DOING??

The truth is, I do want to get on the ride and I am sure that there will be exhiliration, lows, highs and yes probably some screaming! I do know that God has truly called Jon and I to plant and it is amazing to be in the smack middle of God's will.

I wanted to start this blog called, "Confessions of a Church Planter's Wife," to be able to offer a transparency about my journey. So, let me just start that transparency right now!!

The truth is, I am scared to death at the thought of being a Pastor's wife. I mean, I've been a youth pastor's wife for ten years, but come on! You can get away with a lot. ;) I've grappled with my identity as a pastor's wife for years and have come to the only realization I can. I'm just gonna be Angie! Is that good enough?? I hope so because I've tried being someone else at times and have failed miserably.

Here's a little about Angie:

1. I love Jesus. Truly, I do.
2. I am completely fascinated by Jon. He never ceases to amaze me. We cuddle, flirt and call each other sickening names like, Pookey bear and Dookey-Floo. (gag)
3. My boys are amazing. They love their Mama and their Mama loves them.
4. I love pink!! I have a pink phone, purse, tons of pink clothes and hope to have a pink car someday.
5. I am sassy.
6. I love hip-hop music and love to dance!!
7. I love to laugh and I laugh loud. I can't help it!
8. I love people and have a deep compassion for those who have experienced difficulty in life. I am humbled and honored to be able to minister side by side with Jon to impact lives for God. Wow.

This is going to be the most amazing roller coaster I've ever ridden! I cannot wait!!!